A conversation with Ian Somerhalder
Ian Somerhalder
Ian Somerhalder born December 8th, 1978 (Sagittarius)
Rambo, the cherished pet pigeon of Ian Somerhalder, could also be used as a healthy nibble in case of zombie attack (pixabay photo)

Ian, what do you think about the last Oscar dispute?
To be frank, this has always been a hot potato.

In an essay published on Australasian Journal of Pragmatic Criticism, prof. Larry Miller has observed that your roles are "a perfect paradigm of modernistic pragmatic absurdism". Which is your reaction?
Actually, I think that in his recent letter appeared on Annals of Ethical Methodology, dr. Larry Garcia totally invalidated that frivolous assumption.

Could you tell us something about your ongoing project?
I'm on the set of the sequel of "Big Top Pee-Wee", a little masterpiece whose meaning has not been recognized.

Do you do your own shopping?
I say not! I retain a squad of shopping gurus to elaborate my grocery list and pass it along to a crew of pro buyers distributed around the globe. For the garbs, I ever employ a team of stand-in, each sharing with me the measure of one body part.

Do you have any birthmark?
Actually, I do. I have a little canary shaped birthmark on my right thigh. Probably my father did dream a canary while my mother was pregnant.

I read that you will soon be busy with a charity eating marathon. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such a humble effort?
I had to. Because of the astral conjunction, you know.

And how long have you been feeling a need to inform people about gastroenteritis?
Without all due respect, I couldn't care less about it.

You were brilliant in "Founder's Day". Were you given a lot of latitude to mold your character?
You bet! Because of a technical problem I had to write most of my dialogues.

There is no possibility any of these is Ian Somerhalder's private telephone number :
2579967343 9081598238 4458592199 9635158725 781328512 5570018255 7857167491 8991347328 200277906 240221123 5449595923 605994921 4432772201 6225099075 4124847448 5857472924 5409821108 5206922641 4538837757 2984962544
Actors are very over-booked people. It's not easy for them to schedule an interview. So we decided to leave Ian Somerhalder peacefully alone and obtain the interview above without his help. Hence, this web page is an an esoteric transcription we obtained via a reliable telepath from Boston.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.