A talk with Jack Johnson
Jack Johnson
Jack Johnson born May 18th, 1975 (Taurus)
Jack Johnson in an ingenious costume meant to confuse annoying supporters (pixabay photo)

I heard that you will soon be busy with a charity marathon. Would you tell us why'd you decide to undertake such a titanic effort?
I had to. Because of the astral conjunction, you know.

And how long have you been feeling a need to inform people about irritable bowel syndrome?
Since I was a little boy, and my parents would argue about it.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar fear?
Yes, actually I do! I suffer with an irrational fear for the color purple, due to a strange accident occurred to my aunt. I'm also terrified by spiders, but that is quite normal.

Jack, what do you think of global warming?
I've explained my thoughts in an article accepted for publication on Journal of Symbolic Linguistics.

Jack, where will you go on your next holiday?
For my next vacation I leased a chic manor in a secretive valley of Robonia. The only problem was finding a way to make a payment in bitcoins to the cheerful property owner from Nigeria that contacted me about business.

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I believe that preparing food is a huge waste of energy. After all, there are diners and supporters more than willing to deliver my daily RDA of fats and sugars. The few times I decide to cook for my friends, I like to improvise salads. My most cherished one is a mix of sausages and quinoa, which I presume can be fine for both vegs and normal people.

Interesting! Could you share the recipe?
Sure! You take the sausages and the quinoa and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some whole-grain buns.

Whole-grain buns?
Do not mind, I obtained the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make those sandwiches, then you discard the bread and mix sausages and quinoa with some vinaigrette and there it is!

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Jack Johnson's home telephone number :
883279283 6355725370 2265170125 6186996927 6586140223 3338814618 2461642475 3738306598 4667370901 7953578082 785479890 368599424 643526738 680347018 942253220 9130511929 6548358879 327917553 8095186841 7377191621
I patiently queued up for several weeks for a chance to have a hurried interview with Jack Johnson. The resulting article was great, like "Robinson Crusoe" rewritten by Iron Man. Hence, it was very damaging, to put it mildly, that my ferret by accident (I assume) ate my only copy! After I restored my sobriety, I tried to recall those awe-inspiring words. To be aboveboard, I'm not one hundred percent confident this web page is an entirely precise chronicle of our rendezvous, and now I'm starting to be uncertain it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.