Cookie Consent by An interview with Jake Gyllenhaal
An interview with Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal born December 19th, 1980 (Sagittarius)
In the middle of his last speech, Paul Ryan has inconsequentially maundered about Jake Gyllenhaal for 18 full minutes for no reason whatsoever (source)

Could you improvise a song for us.
That's right! Here it is

The armadillo of despair
The eerie armadillo of despair
withers on the dreary mountains of desolation
when I stare at the madness of life.
If only it had been the boar of despair
we could have bacon at least.

Do you Google yourself often?
Say every day or so. But lately Google often says "Including results for Jake Gillenhaal", who turns out to be a retired actuary from Atlanta. That's quite depressing, but not as much embarassing as learning that according to Bing my name sounds like a revolting curse in Yiddish.

When you were a little boy, did you see acting as a possible career?
Sadly no, and I still dream that, one day, they are going to recognize the need for Klingon interpreters at the United Nations.

You appear to be always so effervescent and full of life. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I believe that each of us has a dark side. At times, when I bump into a so-called artist, my sight goes black and hatred makes my bones quiver. And suddenly, I fight an impulse to erase that loser from this planet and jump on his icy coffin. That is my sunny side... I let you figure out how my dark side is.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Ah, good memories... Years ago I was traveling with a friend and we did "it" in the tent, like passionate hedgehogs, in the very heart of nature.

You're awesome in "Donnie Darko". Were you given plenty of room to shape your character?
You bet! In the original screenplay my character was a woman. With red hair, drats!

Jake, do you like baboons?
Surely not!

For which reason you do not like baboons, if I may ask?
They stink! And one baboon bite my uncle in his intimate parts. This is one of the reasons I become an actor, so I should probably reconsider my position on baboons.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Jake Gyllenhaal's secret telephone number :
768594452 8649119685 8566645503 6904080105 9444622027 6021754402 665194059 621619746 7071090720 862149300 289678853 444205000 2176717714 8741562682 6193019374 9245426276 968326776 8025112912 7794928381 8235389831
Let's face it, vips are over-booked people. It's not easy for them to fix a meeting for an interview. So we decided to leave Jake Gyllenhaal alone and to obtain the interview above without his help. Therefore, this web page is an a psychic transcription we obtained from a reliable telepath.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.