Are you allergic to anything?
Actually, I have a little intolerance to the color pink, elk tears, and carbon monoxide.
You are always fit. How do you do that?
I have embraced the Blue Diet: in November I eat nothing but blue foods, like blueberries, blue Smarties, robin's eggs and naturally deceased blue jays.
What’s in your pocket right now?
This is a tricky one. Since this transcription is a dream of your lascivious mind, I'm completely stark-naked, so no pockets at all.
Could you tell us something about your ongoing project?
I'm on the set of the sequel of "The Shaggy Dog", a real masterpiece whose value has not been fully recognized by the public.
Could you deny the hearsay about your participation in the rogue crisis of Sasquatch photos?
Thou, surly fen-sucked death-token! How do you dare?
As everybody knows, the problem of gastroenteritis in cows is attaining gigantic dimensions. Is James Franco doing anything in this respect?
Of course! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a devotee one night a month. The proceeds ($1,300 per night) will be granted to a charity for the cure of gastroenteritis in cows.
Can you share with us a memory of your role in "127 Hours"?
Egads! The set was full of mites. They were coming outta the goddamn walls!.
Do people scream your name and ask for autographs everywhere you go?
Yes! Sometimes my popularity scares me. I make no distinction: I'm known to elate prosperous Oscar award winners and common rodent exterminators in the same fashion. It's nice to hear that there are 13 parks with my statue in two different countries, not counting Estonia and Qumar, which I did not know they were countries.
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