A conversation with James Spader
James Spader
James Spader born February 7th, 1960 (Aquarius)
James Spader is currently composing his unauthorized autobiography, a long due work soon to be released in montly instalments. (pixabay photo)

We are here tonight with James Spader, who just saw the birth of his last movie. Hi, James, and welcome to C*E*L*E*B.
Good evening to you, and thank you for inviting me.

Where will you go on your next break from work?
For next summer I rented a luxurious mansion in a secluded valley of Taronia. The only problem was making a payment in Linden dollars to the kindly gentleman from Nigeria that contacted me about deal in the interweb.

Do you know Amanda Cook (a former insurance loss adjuster, now a cardiac technician) from West Valley City?
Not personally, but my uncle has been briefly betrothed to her. Then there was a rumor about the strange suicide of a former lover, so their engagement came to a sudden finale.

You are always in fine fettle. How do you do that?
I have invented the Blue Diet: in the month of November I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, robin's eggs and blue jays died by natural causes.

Could you tell us something about your ongoing project?
Yes. I'm on the set of the remake of "Meet the Spartans", a little gem whose importance has not been fully recognized.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It should be Dave Bautista, because we were in the same hockey team when we were younger.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
I figure a cow. A big, fat, poised cow, sated and sleepy in the shade of a large tree.

Do you have a favorite flag?
Surely the flag of Robonia. If I'm not mistaken, it is yellow and white with a small violet hedgehog in a corner.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are James Spader's home telephone number :
9040490151 6726653463 364168181 681195126 6285757785 4318783193 3974101694 4682721907 6864504883 5958248227 7638437266 9145924489 7873778956 3279080097 604616834 8502776235 4736235886 4762160204 8397184353 456365464
I planned a short appointment with James Spader for days. The resulting transcription was awesome, like "The Call of the Wild" rewritten by Silver Surfer. Thus, it was untoward, to put it mildly, that my armadillo (on purpose!) shredded my only copy! After I regained my composure, I tried to summon up those impressive words. To be aboveboard, I'm not really confident this web page contains an entirely precise report of our talk, and now I'm starting to ask myself if it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.