Cookie Consent by FreePrivacyPolicy.com A talk with Janelle Monáe
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A talk with Janelle Monáe
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Janelle Monáe
Janelle Monáe born December 1st, 1985 (Sagittarius)
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Janelle Monáe is currently writing her unauthorized autobiography, a long due work soon to be released in daily instalments. (pixabay photo)

Janelle, what's your vice?
I turn anything I can into a pizza. Shit, I'm eating a honey and black olives pizza right now. Well, surely you are going to judge me for that. Luckily another vice of mine is not giving a damn.

Do you Google yourself often?
Say every three hours. But lately Google often says "Including results for Janelle Manáe", who turns out to be a former music director from Dallas. That's quite distressing, but not as much embarassing as finding that according to Yahoo my name is similar to a horrible insult in Yiddish.

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To strengthen my character, I often sleep on a bed made of rough sandpaper and shards of glass.

Do people scream your name and ask for autographs everywhere you go?
Yeah! I'm like a drug, a legit one, for most of the people. I make no distinction: I'm known to be popular among wealthy magnates and dejected rodent exterminators in the same manner. Say, there are 13 avenues with my name in four different countries, not counting Sierra Gordo and Tuvalu.

Could you suggest a remedy for warts?
Here it is my instant treatment for warts. Mix one part of vermouth, three parts of fruit drink and some olive oil inside a coconut, then put this concoction on your feet and your wrists.

What would you like to do right now?
Walk away on my legs.

What happen if you play your song "Tightrope" backward?
The universe may disintegrate.

Janelle, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
Yes! Recent research has proved that sniffing solvents like an anteater may have unpleasant long-term repercussions, like loss of sleep or sudden death. But now you can stop being frightened! Buy "Janelle's prodigy", now with more Lotocarya idonea extracts. Just $39.99 for 90 tablets. (Note : Not actually a drug. It often may cause loss of work or induce suicide. Gluten-free. It may contain traces of nuts and ashes).

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Janelle Monáe's private telephone number :
743813899 618906083 5210749679 525003259 800250457 5877011451 4289872973 4057552039 5003809972 2524378165 2994186254 868326829 411567291 3730781192 695662025 9401961766 931868192 8948360703 8923440586 9531490358
To be sincere, my chief had arranged my little talk with Janelle Monáe months beforehand. Regrettably, my pet coyote got common cold, so I had to skip the meeting. So, the transcript above is essentially the impression of a nightmare that followed after a heavy dinner based on deep-fried Mars bars and salami.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.