A conversation with Jean-Claude Van Damme
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Jean-Claude Van Damme born October 18th, 1960 (Libra)
Jean-Claude Van Damme always uses a scientific method to choose his next move (pixabay photo)

What do you have in your pockets?
I got a shitload of money in my pockets. You can watch them, you can ever lick them, but they are mine, all mine. My preciouss roll of notes...

What’s the best sound in the world?
Probably it is the consoling tinkle of two emeralds touching each other. However, my agent urges you to write instead something more mainstream, say, "the first 'dad' of your baby" or "the placid purr of an unworried kitten".

A fictional character you recognize as an inspiration?
As a poll suggests, Ace Ventura, because of our deep clever eyes.

Jean-Claude, do you have something to say to young people?
Absolutely! Don't let the color of your skin rule your world. Unless you are green. In that case see a physician as soon as possible.

Don't you think it is time you write a book on your life?
Indeed! It is unfortunate that I have so little time to put down the words, as we writers use to say. Last winter I've read the back cover of the book "The Road", and I found it quite passable. Therefore, I told my agent to contact the author - a certain Cormac McCarthy - since I need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not heard any news.

Could you tell us something about your ongoing project?
Indeed! I'm on the set of the remake of "Four Christmases", a timeless jewel whose magnitude has not been perceived by critics.

Do you have any superpower?
Talking backwards, except on Sundays. Maybe this is quite remarkable in people with Norvegian ancestors.

If there was another movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Without doubt Brad Pitt, since I imagine we both like cats.

Jean-Claude Van Damme refused to let me know his private telephone number, but here are some random numbers you can dream about :
8763564077 5430058150 2830868262 7554794832 5655169920 8268343585 427555067 6091037410 4595832835 678605466 678977932 8564802180 426704721 7649646415 6283946451 243337915 7316156798 4136981665 214744569 2130558847
I have a confession to make. My supervisor had patiently scheduled my brief rendezvous with Jean-Claude Van Damme days beforehand. Unluckily, I realized I had more interesting things to do, like cultivating weeds or breeding snails. So, this web page is mainly based on what Jean-Claude Van Damme would have probably answered if I have met him, as indicated by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.