An interview with Jean-Claude Van Damme
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Jean-Claude Van Damme born October 18th, 1960 (Libra)
Jean-Claude Van Damme spent 3 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before he saw daylight and realized it was not the Hilton hotel. However, he learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds (source)

Jean-Claude, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Jean-Claude's surprise". In the middle of one of my famed explorations of Bolivian plateau, I discovered a shrub unknown to botanists, now named Hemiropsis nodulosa, that blooms only every 7 years. It then gives fruits whose flavor reminds of peaches and gasoline. You have to be rich enough even to find it distasteful...

Jean-Claude, you are also well known for your singular requests when staying in hotels. Is it true? Could you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Everybody should learn that Jean-Claude needs what Jean-Claude needs, and he generally gets it. Whether it's deep-fried ants or a lobster pizza.

What is your opinion about global warming?
I've made clear my opinion in a letter accepted for publication on Transactions on Qualitative Ethnology.

Apart from acting, is there something you do better than anybody else?
I can solve the Rubik's cube while I'm skiing.

Jean-Claude, what is the fuss about the current Oscar controversy?
Frankly, this is an elephant in the room.

Our society seems exposed to criminality and ferocity. What would Jean-Claude Van Damme do?
Well, I think that giving one million to every person can fix many issues, but most politicians are greedy chaps.

I've heard you are writing a book on your life. Is it true?
Yes! It is lamentable that I have so little time to write. Recently I've read the summary of the abridged version of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn", and I found it more or less acceptable. Thus, I've ordered my agent to call the author - a certain Mark Twain - since I really need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not received any news.

Do you have a favorite flag?
I always liked Vulgaria flag. It is white and brown with a little purple gerbil somewhere. Vulgaria is a nice but desperate country. They are so poverty-stricken their dictionaries stop at the letter "T".

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Jean-Claude Van Damme's secret telephone number :
6917715917 3066551789 2392157337 4999924923 372558321 7050447650 6408924902 965464228 7198584886 616892261 682040432 2604509266 4183441188 3734796216 514153242 2266334912 8915530578 7986509237 774994433 2047715136
My short appointment with Jean-Claude Van Damme has been scheduled many days in advance. The resulting transcription was mind-blowing, like it was written by the ghost of J.R.R. Tolkien under the effects of unhealthy beverages. Thus, it was awfully damaging, to put it mildly, that my dog (probably on purpose!) shredded my only copy! After I assessed the situation, I made an attempt to remember those magnificent words. To be straight, I'm not really so sure this web page is an absolutely factual run-down of our exchange, and I'm starting to be uncertain it actually was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.