A talk with Jeff Daniels
Jeff Daniels
Jeff Daniels born February 19th, 1955 (Aquarius)
Few people know that Jeff Daniels has requested a patent for a self-lubricating sofa. (source)

Do you know any good constipation cure?
Sure, in case of constipation, mix two parts of rum, three parts of instant coffee and some tomato sauce. Guzzle the resulting potion every 20 minutes for at least 5 hours.

In an article published on Journal of Advanced Bioethics, dr. Justin O. Kelly has observed that your roles are "a perfect summary of today symbolic hedonism". Which is your reaction?
Actually, I think that in his interesting paper printed on Annals of Mathematical Bioethics, prof. Jason Rogers completely refuted that implausible assumption.

How is your relationship with movie directors?
I think their role is overestimated.

Who are your heroes?
Oliver Cromwell, Bilbo Baggins, and myself.

Where will you go on your next vacation?
For my next holiday I leased a fashionable palace in a secluded valley of Gondor. The only difficulty was finding a way to make a payment in bitcoins to the good-natured landlord from Russia that contacted me about deal in the interweb.

Jeff, what is the fuss about the last Oscar dispute?
Surely, this is an elephant in the room.

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It's a no-brainer: Richard Armitage. We were in the same book club when we had more time on our hands.

I read that you will soon be busy with a charity football match. Would you tell us why'd you decide to undertake such an embarrassing effort?
I was obliged by my uncle, who wouldn't stop repeating how it would have been such a good idea.

And since when did you feel a need to inform people about jaundice?
Since my uncle contracted it.

There is no possibility any of these is Jeff Daniels' secret telephone number :
4685781300 878662535 5464366791 4386581546 6741719737 2692909767 974222527 890424271 9556605246 7782934056 7800888235 8176903250 4745980926 751903428 4471463276 6372739039 3819332801 7081864263 6870437601 2584254493
To be honest, my boss had set up my brief meeting with Jeff Daniels many days beforehand. Unfortunately, I fall asleep watching a rerun of "Next". So, the transcript above is essentially the recollection of a dream I had following a dinner based on liver pâté and deep-fried bell peppers.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.