An interview with Jennifer Warnes
Jennifer Warnes
Jennifer Warnes born March 3rd, 1947 (Pisces)
Because of an innocuous freak accident with her dirigible, Jennifer Warnes has lived for 5 months in the Australian jungle. She was alone, apart from her cat Vimbaloo and her strong personality (source)

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
It is an anteater. A large, fat, placid anteater, glutted and sleepy in the summer shade.

Could you suggest a remedy for common cold?
Sure, in case of common cold, mix two parts of whiskey, three parts of tea and some butter in the skull of a chipmunk, then put this mixture on your elbows and your back.

Jennifer, if I may ask, how do you invest the money you make?
I asked myself: "What people can not do without?" the answer is candies! So I bought 1100000 boxes of candies which I amassed in my vaults,.

Jennifer, do you have something to say to young people?
Might as well! Scientific studies have showed that sniffing paint like an anteater may have unpleasant effects, like loss of nostrils or sudden death. But now you can stop being disquieted! Buy "Jennifer's shield", now with Austronema nodulosa syrup. Just $29.99 for 80 capsules, only in the best Russian minimarkets (Note : Not actually a drug. It often may cause appendicitis or induce paranoia. Sodium-free. One capsule contains 100% RDA of tar).

Could you improvise a poem for us.
Absolutely! Here it is

The dog of remorse
The gray dog of remorse
perishes on the stormy plains of desolation
when I look in the eye existence wreck.
If only it had been the boar of remorse
we could have bacon at least.

What’s the best sound in the world?
Surely it is the thrilling swish of a bunch of new banknotes caressing each other. But please, write instead something more crowd-pleasing, say, "the first 'mom' of your toddler" or "the comforting purr of a little kitten".

Your zodiac sign is Pisces. Are you a typical Pisces?
Not really! I'm sometimes gloomy, quite vivacious, amenable and tolerant. My friends say that I'm also a bit inconsistent but that I think it is usual in artists.

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I think that cooking food is a waste of energy, since there are fast food joints and relatives more than willing to provide my daily dose of sugars and carbohydrates. The few times I oblige to cook for my friends, I like to design salads. My cornerstone is a mix of pastrami and soybeans, which I assume can accomodate both vegetarians and normal people.

Could you share the recipe?
Yep! You take the pastrami and the soybeans and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some whole-grain buns.

Do not mind, my recipe comes from one for sandwiches. After you made those sandwiches, you discard the bread and mix pastrami and soybeans with some cranberry sauce and there it is!

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Jennifer Warnes' home telephone number is listed here :
4598912845 9980101538 571276489 543440836 3046452468 8464414610 6062360101 5921441289 220543039 2476150222 757908978 982190536 740142985 299967084 6048742914 6345342464 2884565177 8771393445 3034935651 825723374
Let's face it, vips are very over-booked people. It's not easy for them to find the time for an interview. So we decided to leave Jennifer Warnes peacefully alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing her. Hence, this web page is an an algorithmic transcription we obtained from a program we supplied with all the available info about Jennifer.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.