I'm here tonight with a special guest, Jerry Lee Lewis, who just saw the birth of his last album. Hi, Jerry, and welcome to And My Secret Is - HEY, Look, A Celebrity!.
It's a pleasure being here, your pleasure.
Are you superstitious?
Definitely! I have to hug 2 strangers who wear a gray shirt before a relevant occasion. Obviously not today.
Where will you go on your next break from work?
For next summer I leased a luxurious manor in a secluded valley of Molvanîa. The only problem was making a transfer in Linden dollars to the genial property owner from Nigeria that proposed me the business.
As everybody knows, the problem of otitis in gazelles is reaching monumental dimensions. Are you doing something to solve the problem?
I guess! I will chastely sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night every two weeks. The profits ($1,200 per night) will be granted to a foundation for the cure of otitis in gazelles.
Where do you go when you die?
I think that most of the deceased have the inclination to stick around.
On a scale of one to ten, how famous do you think you are?
I have no clue. I think I'm a one in Congo, but a ten in Fresno.
Which is your favorite brand of toilet paper?
I can proudly confess that I have my own exclusive brand. My personal toilet paper is obtained from the baby leaves of Dicodantennaria urens, a rare parasitic orchid which grows only in Borneo.
You appear to be always so effervescent and cheerful. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I think that every person has a dark side. At times, when I bump into another singer, my heart became heavier and my teeth rattle with fury. And suddenly, I experience the need to erase his heckling smug look. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to face that side.
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