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An interview with Jessica Chastain
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Jessica Chastain
Jessica Chastain born March 24th, 1977 (Aries)
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Jessica Chastain always uses a rigorous method to choose her next move (pixabay photo)

What have you got in your pocket?
Dear me! This is a tricky one. Because this interview is a product of your indecent neurons, I'm probably in my sensuous nightwear, so no pockets at all.

Do people scream your name and applaud everywhere you go?
Yes sir! I'm the greatest thing since buttered bread. My force is that I'm global: I charm illustrious emperors and common sewer inspectors alike. You know? There are 13 streets with my name in four different countries, not counting Serbia and Shangri-La, which I did not know they were countries.

Jessica, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
That's right! Clinical studies have proved that smoking dried snails may have undesirable long-term repercussions, like loss of limbs or sudden death. But fear no more! Buy "Jessica's prodigy", now with Dryphera notabilis tincture. Just $39.99 for 120 tablets, only in the best Russian groceries (Disclaimer : Not actually a drug. It often may cause loss of money or induce paranoia. Sugar-free. It may contain traces of frankfurts and glue).

Have you ever participated in a séance?
Yep! But just one time. It was an extremely tormented experience. Suddenly, the spirit of Nicolaus Copernicus manifested and revealed that I'm the reincarnation of an Ernest Hemingway's homonym.

What's your earliest memory?
Only few people know that I have the power of total recall. Indeed, I have a clear memory of the moment I was born. You know, it was a day in March. An almost lyric spring day, fragrant of flowers and shiny buds. And amidst all the beauty, I was there, soaked from head to toe with blood and other bodily fluids, in a room full of yelling people, running around like wingless flies. The first, but not the best day of my life...

You make me feel lucky.
That's nothing, my whole life is like a bath in a sea of tears. And I savor every moment of it.

Do you Google yourself often?
Say every four hours. But lately Google often says "Including results for Jessica Chestain", who happens to be a former locksmith from Denver. That's quite depressing, but not as much heartbreaking as finding that for Yahoo my name sounds like a revolting vulgarity in Turkish.

When your are not on the set, which is your preferred diversion?
I think that collecting dummies rests my mind.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Jessica Chastain's secret telephone number :
717393478 2418401464 3794328428 6830246056 6208088306 7641306310 4433348909 4682654780 2603683512 4737412458 7063036381 8158510727 2387943841 6814855473 5307612481 7581721463 8802971701 5629713975 268134219 697067495
I dawdled forever for the privilege to have a little talk with Jessica Chastain. The resulting piece was marvelous, like it was written by Dr. Seuss at his best. Thus, it was awfully lamentable, to put it mildly, that my doctor ate my only copy! After I recounted my vitals, I attempted to recapture those mind-blowing words. So, to be straight, I'm not so confident this web page is a perfectly precise report of our rendezvous, and I'm starting to wonder if it actually was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.