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An interview with Joan Armatrading
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Joan Armatrading
Joan Armatrading born December 9th, 1950 (Sagittarius)
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Joan Armatrading's main diversion is collecting old door knobs and door handles (pixabay photo)

What’s the best sound in the world?
Honestly? It is the gentle sound of a bunch of new banknotes kissing each other. But please, write instead something more suitable for publication, say, "the cheerful giggle of a light-hearted kid " or "the breath of your dozing baby".

Which is the coolest flag in the world?
Surely the flag of Carpathia, probably because there is my face in the center of it. Carpathia is a wonderful but desperate country. They are so derelict that theft is allowed from 2 to 6 AM.

Do you Google yourself often?
Not so often. Say every other day or so. But lately Google asks "Did you mean Joan Armotrading", who apperently is a retired diversional therapist from Memphis. That's quite discouraging, but not as much embarassing as discovering that according to Bing my name sounds like a revolting curse in Polish.

Joan, what’s your worst habit?
I often tease interviewers. But I'm not that drunk right now so you are relatively safe.

Which is your favorite karaoke song?
Excluding my own songs, to get the crowd pleased I always make an encore of "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.

Joan, you are always fit as a fiddle. Which is your secret?
I have invented the Blue Diet: in June I eat exclusively blue foods, like blueberries, blue corn, blue potatoes and naturally deceased blue jays.

You have been the recipient of many prizes. Which is the first prize you ever won?
I won the "Titanium Weasel Prize" issued by the city of Memphis for "noteworthy yet redundant musical exhibition" at the age of 10.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yes! I have a yellow wombat on my belly. It implements a GPS, so I can be salvaged if I am kidnapped, but unluckily it works better if I'm slightly au naturel.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Joan Armatrading's private telephone number :
6920516649 634393457 438787385 3253700853 3666017283 223790204 7294529174 2272095507 7182164924 6094090721 527046648 6668519177 257636371 2710767186 3708900032 423302204 486768017 807726824 306075551 6592709312
My director had patiently scheduled my exchange with Joan Armatrading days beforehand. Regrettably, I fall asleep watching a rerun of "Next". So, the transcript above is mainly the recollection of a nightmare I had following a large dinner of salami and beans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.