I'm here today with Joan Osborne, who just survived the mammoth task of her last album. Hi, Joan, and welcome to All My Celebrities.
Good morning to you, and thank you for calling me.
Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Usually I consume super-natural indie products, because I do care about my health and our mother Earth. For example, this week I have a fascination for amaranth seeds and tempeh, both awesome on chicken nuggets.
Do you do your own shopping?
I would like to, but I'm so hard at work doing significant things for the planet that I can't waste time on such technicalities. I employ a team of economists to compile my grocery list and texting it to a number of pro buyers distributed around the world. For the clothes, I ever pay a team of doubles, each sharing with me the measure of one body part.
Have you made resolutions for the New Year?
Well, there have been some legal troubles regarding my last contract, so to get to dough, next year I will be known as "Joan Osburne".
Could you support the hearsay about the stolen Bigfoot pictures?
My giddy aunt! It appears you are showing a senseless desire to assume room temperature, if you know what I mean. And, I know a guy who has a friend that for $3000,... Whatever. You don't like spoilers, don't ya?
Joan, where did you go on your last holiday?
Last summer I leased a fashionable castle on the hidden mountains of Uzbekistan. The rent included barbed wire aplenty to protect my privacy but also a crowd of extras impersonating unhinged fans to let me feel at home.
How popular do you think you are, on a scale of one to ten?
I have no clue. Probably, I'm a four in Greenland, but an eight in Boston.
You have been the recipient of uncountable prizes. Do you remember what is the first prize you ever won?
At the age of 9, I won the "Silver Baboon Medal" issued by the municipality of Memphis for "impressive yet unneeded singing achievement".
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