John, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
Sure! Recent research has demonstrated that smoking self-growed tobacco may have sour long-term consequences, like loss of sleep or sudden death. But now you can stop being anxious! Buy "John's prodigy", now with more Helitrapudana hirsuta powder. Just $29.99 for 90 tablets, only in the best Russian corner stores (Disclaimer : Not actually a drug. It
often may cause loss of partners or induce suicide. Sugar-free. It may contain traces of frankfurts and glue).
Could you rebut the buzz about your involvement in the incident of Bigfoot DNA samples?
Can I? Sure enough! Do I want? No, indeed!
John, what’s your worst defect?
Sometimes I knock with my fingers on tables and also on people faces.
Could you suggest a remedy for hangovers?
Yes, in case of need mix one part of whiskey, three parts of lemonade and some black vinegar. Apply the resulting brew on your wrists and your feet.
Which is the worst DVD in your collection?
Shit fire and save matches! Apart from "Swept Away", I fear it is "Howard the Duck" or "Cool as Ice".
If there was another movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Benedict Cumberbatch. I imagine we feel the same about dogs.
How do you invest the considerable fortune you make?
If you want to become rich fast, I can give you the phone of some guys from Serbia who can show you how to double your stake. All you have to do is give them a photo of your spouse as a sign you are on the level.
On a scale of one to ten, how famous do you think you are?
I'm not sure. Probably, I'm a three in Fresno, but an eight in Nepal.
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