Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
Honestly, common brands are for common people. My personal toilet paper is obtained from Gynostovilla bulbifera, a rare black poppy that only grows in Nepal.
Jonathan, what is your opinion about the controversial problem of global warming?
I've already explained my opinion in an article printed on Annals of Quantitative Conceptualism, written in collaboration with the renowned prof. Harold O. Gonzalez.
What do you have in your pockets?
Because this talk is a dream of your indecent imagination, I'm probably completely stark-naked, so no pockets at all.
What is the strangest nightmare you’ve ever had?
Not really a dream: I found myself alone in a desolate gloomy space. A nasty reek in the air. Then I remembered I got plastered at a rerun of "Batman & Robin" in a drab cinema near Atlanta.
Do people yell your name and applaud everywhere you go?
Might as well! They simply can't have enough of me. I really make no distinction: I delight prosperous MIT professors and uninspiring bookkeepers in the same way. Say, there are at least 16 plazas with my name in four different countries, not counting Naboombu and Botswana.
Could you suggest a remedy for hangovers?
Yes, here it is my instant remedy. In case of need mix two parts of rum, one part of fruit drink and some applesauce. Apply the resulting concoction on your feet and your arms.
What’s the best sound in the world?
Almost surely it is the comforting jingle of two pieces of gold touching each other. However, my agent requires you write instead something more mainstream, like "the cheery giggle of an angelic child " or "the calming purr of an unworried kitten".
Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Every day! I mostly buy super-natural indie products, because I do pay attention to my health and my supporters. For example, this week I have a fascination for shiitake mushrooms and fermented cabbage, both very tasty on BBQ brisket.
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