Could you tell us something about the plot of your next movie?
Absolutely! It is the story of James, a shearer from Fresno. He is kidnapped by an enigmatic sect and he is forced to compose silly "absolutelY simUlated conversaTions" for some web site, from a concealed cubicle. (If I can't be located, tell Mildred I always loved her...)
I heard you are just back from a filming location in Tibet. How was the accomodation?
To be frank, I spent 4 full weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I saw daylight and realized it was not the Best Western hotel. Funny thing: I learnt to project my aura, about 8 inches far.
Do you know any good hangover cures?
Positively! Here it is my sure remedy. In case of drunkness mix two parts of cider, three parts of tea and some tahini. Gargle with the resulting concoction every 15 minutes for at least 2 hours.
Which is your secret for eternal beauty?
As you may have guessed, it is a sponging with warm cement twice a day.
Do people scream your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Sodding hell! They simply can't have enough of me. I make no distinction: I delight esteemed heirs and commonplace bookkeepers to the same extent. Say, there are at least 12 streets with my name in four different countries, not counting Serbia and Wakanda, which I did not know they were countries.
Is there something you would like to do right now?
Well, buy a polygraph for my dungeon.
Joseph, do you have any vice?
I pretend to listen when fans try to talk to me. Well, it's possible that you are going to condemn me for that, but another vice of mine is I don't give a tinker's cuss.
Do you use an alias when you book a hotel suite? You know, to protect your privacy and to avoid fans and stalkers
You bet! I do anything to get rid of those punks. I often use the moniker "Joseph Muzzello".
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