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An interview with Josh Gad
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Josh Gad
Josh Gad born February 23rd, 1981 (Pisces)
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Josh Gad is presently put in writing his unauthorized autobiography, a monumental work soon to be released in daily instalments. (pixabay photo)

Who are your heroes?
Jim (the obscure cousin of Augustus), Mary Poppins, and myself.

Josh, what do you think of global warming?
I think that global warming is a grave matter. Anyway, my fans will surely be happy to know that my future mansion will be at least 70 feet above the sea-level.

Josh, you appear to be always so chirpy and sunny. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to confess it, but I do. Everybody has two sides. For example, when I face another artist, rage darkens my soul and I clench my teeth. And suddenly, I experience a compulsion to close those gazing eyes for good. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know about it.

Josh, which is your favorite fruit?
It is called "Josh's marvel". In the middle of one of my famed explorations of the Amazon basin, I uncovered a plant unknown to botanists, now named Lasiocistea excelsa, which every 7 years blooms and produces fruits whose flavor reminds of oranges and black vinegar. It sounds uncanny, but it may cause addiction.

How famous do you think you are, on a scale of one to ten?
I'm not sure. Probably, I'm a one in Mongolia, but a seven in Atlanta.

What is the first prize you ever won?
I won the "Plastic Monkey Award" assigned by the city of Denver for "memorable yet superfluous acting performance" at the age of 6.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
In my dreams it is an ocelot. A big, fat, quiet ocelot, well fed and dozy in the summer shade.

Do you do your own shopping?
I'm too hard at work doing very important things for all the people and I can't waste time on such trifles. Actually, I employ a gang of specialists to compile my grocery list and pass it along to a team of pro buyers spread around the planet. For the garnments, which are always critical, I ever pay a bunch of doubles, one for each body part.

There is no possibility any of these is Josh Gad's secret telephone number :
5123903222 6205054754 6227837921 4322852930 7530044496 262613655 5789039722 923192271 3602924018 7596925951 4824418291 4260710077 9828819719 5000724064 875901014 9335286983 4134836882 5064434437 442287033 6626435476
To be sincere, my supervisor had patiently arranged my hurried exchange with Josh Gad several months beforehand. Unluckily, I realized at the last moment that I had better things to do, like cultivating weeds or visiting Canada. So, the transcript above is essentially the elaboration of a dream I had after a generous dinner based on raw broccoli and beans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.