Jude, how do you invest all the dough you make in your career?
He said it is a secret, but I invested quite a bunch of money in a super-clever scheme invented by a financial genius named Charles Penzi, a pro of high-yield investment programs. I can give you his number, but he has been incommunicado in the last weeks.
I read that you will soon participate to a charity football match. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such an effort?
I had to for a small clause in my last contract, which prescribed me to fake an interest in good deeds.
And since when did you feel an urge to fight tennis elbow?
Since I was a little boy, and my parents would argue about it.
Jude, you are always in fine fettle. How do you do that?
I have invented the Blue Diet: in April I eat only blue foods, like blueberries, blue Smarties, blue potatoes and my special Smurf hash.
Jude, which is your method for unblemished skin?
It is a weekly shower in fresh unicorn tears.
If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
Surely a raccoon. A big, fat, tranquil raccoon, satiated and somnolent in the shade of a large tree.
What have you got in your pocket?
As this interview is a fantasy of your lascivious imagination, I'm completely in the nude, so no pockets at all.
Are you aware of the rumors about you and the bulldozer appearing in your last movie?
Pfft! I'm going to repeat it for the last time: I did not have any relation with that bulldozer.
• e-mail: yutmeyut -at- gmail.com • Disclaimer & Privacy •