Julio, which is your favorite fruit?
I call it "Julio's wonder". During one of my famed peregrinations in the Atacama desert, I discovered a plant unknown to botanists, now named Ariptera setosa, that blooms only every 12 years. It then gives fruits whose taste reminds of figs and ammonia. You have to be filthy rich even to unlike it...
You have been the recipient of uncountable awards. What is the first prize you ever won?
At the early age of 8, I won the "Platinum Moose Award" issued by the city of Phoenix for "noteworthy but unrequested musical achievement".
Julio, you are always in fine fettle. How do you do that?
I have invented the Blue Diet: during the month of December I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue corn, blue Smarties and my special Smurf hash.
Julio, you seem to be always so vivacios and radiant. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. Everyone has a dark side. For example, when I look at a so-called artist, I shiver with hatred and I grind my teeth. And then, without warning, I feel the need to wipe out that loser from the earth and pirouette on his icy coffin. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to face it.
What’s the best sound in the world?
It is the stimulating tinkle of two diamonds touching each other. However, my agent demands to write instead something more crowd-pleasing, like "the relaxing purr of a satisfied kitten" or "the breath of your sleeping toddler".
Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
I don't know, I liked all of their movies.
Are you allergic to anything?
O.K.! I'm allergic to paparazzi, groundhog tears (please, don't ask!), and baking soda.
Where do you go when you die?
In a cemetery, usually. If you are cremated then your ashes can occupy space in a funny box on somebody's coffee table.
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