A talk with Katie Melua
Katie Melua
Katie Melua born September 16th, 1984 (Virgo)
Apart from singing, Katie Melua's second best choice as working career would be professional sand castle builder (pixabay photo)

Katie, do you have something to say to young people?
Absolutely! Recent studies have demonstrated that getting drunk like a Connecticut congressman may have troublesome long-term effects, like loss of weight or sudden death. But now you can stop being anxious! Buy "Katie's sensation", now with more Otosparia argentea extracts. Just $19.99 for 70 capsules, only in the best Mexican groceries (Note : Not actually a cure. It often may cause albinism or induce paranoia. Sodium-free. A capsule contains 100% RDA of arsenic).

Can you tell me the square root of 782271128?
I'm pretty sure that the right answer is 56.

Do you know any good hangover cures?
Yes, here it is my fantastic remedy. In case of drunkness mix two parts of beer, three parts of fruit smoothie and some salt and pepper. Apply the resulting brew on your feet and your tongue.

Which is your next musical venture?
I'll soon release a cryptic recording of trip hop covers of Michael Jackson greatest hits, sung in Armenian, Catalan and Hungarian. I worked on it for 5 years.

Do you know Kimberly P. Anderson (a former motor mechanic, now a marine surveyor) from Elk Grove?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been briefly betrothed to her. Then there was a public embarrassment about the funny suicide of a former lover, so their engagement came to an abrupt conclusion.

Where did you go on your last break from work?
Last summer I leased a luxurious manor in a secluded valley of Kyrgyzstan. The contract included a moat surrounding the manor to protect my privacy but also a crowd of local extras portraying unhinged fans.

Apart from singing, is there something you do exceptionally well?
I can move both my ears rhythmically.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar fear?
Oh sure! I have acquired an unreasonable fear for Smurfs, after a bizzarre accident happened to my aunt. I'm also scared by spiders, but that is quite common.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Katie Melua's secret telephone number :
3363335542 6118746705 834051536 7405093713 759276668 8532674077 8650928449 6491967662 3333817608 8095377787 619166881 773113122 6044228380 5462208410 491787508 8461585394 7643255416 6843493007 3093854610 9749551789
Let's face it, celebrities are frantic people. It's difficult for them to find the time for an interview. So we decided to leave Katie Melua alone and to obtain the interview above without disturbing her. Therefore, this web page is an an algorithmic transcription we obtained employing a computer simulation of Katie.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.