A talk with Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves born September 2nd, 1964 (Virgo)
In the middle of his last speech, Paul Ryan has blathered on Keanu Reeves for 13 full minutes for no discernible reason (source)

Which is your secret for flawless skin?
It is an ablution with cold unicorn blood twice a week.

Are you allergic to anything?
Actually, I'm allergic to benzene, the color fuchsia and squirrel milk.

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft or Professor Layton?
A court order prevents me from talking about it.

Do people yell your name and ask for autographs everywhere you go?
Shoot me! I'm like a drug, a Godsent one, for the crowd. My strength is that I'm all-embracing: I'm known to cheer illustrious neurosurgeons and discouraged crime scene cleaners to the same extent. You know? There are 12 streets with my name in four different countries, not counting Djibouti and Qumar.

Which is your favorite book?
I'm quite enthusiastic about "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Kissinger.

You surely mean, by J.D. Salinger?
Surely you are confusing it with another book, anyway I've heard it both ways.

What do you think about the international situation?
Goodness gracious! I think it is unfortunately very brutal, since on our torn world there are places where it is difficult to find even a just decent Long Island iced tea.

Keanu, according to some witnesses, you have been in a compromising situation with a celebrity whose name I'm not allowed to tell. Have you something to tell us?
I deny any "situation", expecially one with Q.G..

I may have a photograph.
You know, I think the photo is just an impression...

An impression? I do not understand.
Well, just an impression. Like when you got the impression everything is totally cool and then for no apparent reason your dear one and your father blow up. Do you understand?

Now that I look it under a better light, the picture is surely a fake...

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Keanu Reeves' home telephone number is listed here :
4298512707 6073363067 770354550 4283877839 7308737013 5395443733 4057098483 8598579597 6991414123 2222764978 6961391820 5916666621 655294372 708165130 852103928 8935086198 6479797209 9732216757 926178923 665688487
My director had scheduled my short talk with Keanu Reeves many months beforehand. Unluckily, I realized at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like collecting kerbstones or feeding my pet hamster. So, the interview above is mainly based on what Keanu Reeves would have probably said if I have met him, as indicated by a statistics involving a couple of his fans.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Mark Wahlberg Bill Withers Jonah Hill Stana Katic Val Kilmer Elsa Pataky Peter Stormare Melissa McCarthy Gloria Gaynor Colin Hanks Lucy Lawless Connie Nielsen Carrie-Anne Moss Brenton Thwaites Burt Reynolds Jeremy Sumpter Gillian Jacobs Meryl Streep David Guetta
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.