A conversation with Kelly Brook
Kelly Brook
Kelly Brook born November 23rd, 1979 (Sagittarius)
A faultless neighbor, a former lover or a simple passerby? Well, we have not the slightest idea, but a redacted picture escalates drama! (pixabay photo)

What is the fuss about the current Oscar shitstorm?
Surely, this is a minefield.

What’s in your pocket right now?
By golly! This is a tricky one. As this interview is a creation of your mischievous imagination, I'm probably totally in the nude, so no pockets at all.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Every day! I mostly choose super-natural indie products, because I care about my beauty and our mother Earth. For example, this week I have a passion for fermented soybeans and dried jellyfish, both very tasty inside a double cheeseburger.

If you could choose a someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Mary Poppins.

If you’re at karaoke, what’s your song of choice?
My real love is dodecaphony.

Where do you go when you die?
When you are gonna be quiet forever, so to speak, you usually also develop the inclination to sit tight.

Did you ever participated in a séance?
Yes! It was an uncanny experience. At a certain point, the ghost of Martin Luther appeared and hypothesized that almost surely I'm the reincarnation of a neighbor of Johann Gutenberg.

Apart from acting, is there something you do exceptionally well?
You know, I do a great imitation of a panda, usually for kids or everybody willing to wait the 30 minutes I need to find inspiration.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Kelly Brook's private telephone number :
805809254 420378973 646443157 647626618 714745587 4558907675 225641817 553612338 2434017568 5238202352 843632684 6087190686 2887632275 3850822338 4931761606 754970094 567292026 971106169 2699477001 5105747371
To be honest, my supervisor had arranged my short interview with Kelly Brook many weeks beforehand. Unfortunately, I realized at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like breeding earthworms or visiting Canada. So, the interview above is essentially the recollection of a nightmare I had after a heavy dinner of deep-fried eggplants and cabbage stew.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.