An interview with Kelly Rowland
Kelly Rowland
Kelly Rowland born February 11th, 1981 (Aquarius)
Recently, Kelly Rowland has sold her famed rubber bands collection to an unnamed cardinal for $278,000 (pixabay photo)

Do you Google yourself often?
Not so often anymore. Say every day or so. But lately Google often asks "Did you mean Kelly Ruwland", who supposedly is a university tutor from Indianapolis. That's quite distressing, but not as much worrisome as finding that for Bing my name sounds like an awful blasphemy in Chinese.

Kelly, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
Sure! Don't let the color of your skin limit you anyway. But buy a sun block or you'll get burned anyhow.

You have been the recipient of several prizes. Can you tell us which is the first prize you ever won?
I won the "Platinum Hamster Prize" assigned by the municipality of Boston for "phenomenal and unneeded musical exhibition" at the age of 6.

What motivates you to sing?
There is a voice in my head that motivates me. Her name is Patricia. Patricia says you are an idiot.

Your zodiac sign is Aquarius. Are you a typical Aquarius?
Definitely! I'm gentle, quite vivacious, strong-minded and patient. My friends say that I'm also a little paradoxical but that I think it is normal in artists.

Can you substantiate the rumours about your role in the rogue business of Chupacabra photos?
Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies! There are things that humankind is not ready to know.

A fictional character you think to as a part of your life?
As my fans like to think, Doctor Who, because of our shared moral standings.

What’s the best sound in the world?
Honestly? It is the gentle clink of two emeralds kissing each other. However, my agent asked to write instead something more crowd-pleasing, say, "the first 'mom' of your daughter" or "the placid purr of an untroubled kitten".

Kelly Rowland refused to let me know her secret telephone number, but here are some random numbers you can dream about :
7241255489 9107919055 276202983 6951991408 349561786 7813774796 718415522 9776450090 2225135616 8029117471 6231786418 3229934745 5411821718 2683829963 7533624104 2278697767 6655896686 205560592 9501754322 4620123190
My hurried rendezvous with Kelly Rowland has been planned for days. The resulting article was staggering, like it was written by Dr. Seuss under the influence of too much champagne. So, it was awfully unfortunate, to put it mildly, that my koala (maybe on purpose!) set my only copy on fire! After I invoked the Incredible Hulk in vain, I struggled to recollect those mind-boggling words. To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent confident this web page contains a totally truly run-down of our rendezvous, and now I'm beginning to question whether it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.