An interview with Kelly Rowland
Kelly Rowland
Kelly Rowland born February 11th, 1981 (Aquarius)
Recently, Kelly Rowland has sold her renowned beer bottlecaps collection to a capricious mogul for $284,000 (source)

Kelly, what’s your worst habit?
A few people say that I have a predisposition to coprolalia, but they are just clueless cretins.

Kelly, where will you go on your next break from work?
For my next holiday I rented an exclusive manor in a secluded valley of Santa Prisca. The only difficulty was finding a way to make a payment in Linden dollars to the kindly landlord from Russia that contacted me about deal in the interweb.

You are just back from a series of concerts in Tibet. How was your stay?
To be frank, I lived 4 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I got the idea it was not the Sheraton hotel. Funny thing: I learnt to bilocate, for a couple of seconds.

Kelly, you are always so strapping. How do you do that?
I have invented the Blue Diet: during the month of June I eat just blue foods, like blueberries, blue potatoes, blue crabs and blue jays died by natural causes.

If I may say so, Kelly, you are also well known for your singular demands when staying in hotels. Is it true? Can you explain us why and maybe make an example of something you may ask?
Everybody should learn that Kelly needs what Kelly needs, and she generally gets it. Whether it's Swedish violets or platinum-plated underwear.

Kelly, you seem to be always so radiant and full of life. Do you also have a dark side?
It's hard to admit it, but I do. I think that every person has a dark side. For example, when I meet a colleague, my teeth rattle with fury and I shudder with hate. And then, without warning, I experience the need to erase her sneering smug look. That is my sunny side... I let you figure out how dark my dark side is.

Your zodiac sign is Aquarius. Are you a typical Aquarius?
Never! I'm a little surly, quite energetic, inflexible and antsy. My relatives say that I'm also a bit paradoxical but that I think it is common in artists.

Kelly, is there a deep moral hidden in your "Kisses Down Low"?
I'll do! That being completely honest always pays except when it doesn't - or something like that.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Kelly Rowland's private telephone number :
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To be honest, my supervisor had patiently scheduled my short appointment with Kelly Rowland days beforehand. Unfortunately, I fall asleep watching a rerun of "The Adventures of Pluto Nash". So, the interview above is essentially the recollection of a dream I had following a copious dinner of deep-fried eggplants and raw broccoli.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.