A talk with Kerli
Kerli born February 7th, 1987 (Aquarius)
Kerli's experiment to launch her eau de cologne scented with eggplants extract has been an inexorable bust (pixabay photo)

Modern society seems to be subject to ferocity and criminality. What would Kerli do?
Actually, I believe that appointing an armed escort to every person can make many problems go away, but most lawmakers are just close-fisted aged punks hardly enticed by my ideas.

Where did you go on your last holiday?
Last month I leased an exclusive manor in a secretive valley of Burundi. The deal included a mined drawbridge to preserve my privacy but also a mob of extras impersonating supporters.

Could you refute the noise about the loss of the Mongolian death worm photos?
For cryin' out load! It appears you are showing an illogical desire to join the great majority. Capeesh? You know, I know a guy who knows a guy that for $2000,... Whatever. You like surprises, don't ya?

What are you working about?
I'm writing the music score for a remake of "Big Top Pee-Wee", a timeless masterpiece whose importance has not been acknowledged by viewers.

Do you know Barbara Williams (a former illustrator, now a diversional therapist) from San Bernardino?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been married to her for 3 weeks. Then there was a rumor about Barbara having affairs with every beefcake from San Bernardino suburbia, so their marriage came to a hasty ending.

How popular do you think you are, on a scale of one to ten?
I don't know. I think I'm a three in Las Vegas, but a seven in Tibet.

Could you improvise a song for us.
Sure! Here it is

Everthing you took away
You took away the emotions,
you took the lust away from me.
A photo, a scarf alone in a drawer
the gloomy vestiges of you.
You took away my life,
everything I care you took away,
so how come your uncle is here to stay?

I heard that you will soon be busy with a charity cooking marathon. Would you tell us why'd you decide to undertake such an embarrassing effort?
I had to for a small clause in my last contract, which forced me to fake an interest in good deeds.

And how long have you been feeling an urge to fight dengue?
Oh, since always.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Kerli's secret telephone number :
3392223307 5198743880 6038661101 5838218368 3202484916 3868555484 282852898 3974119823 5660418134 5301192796 9637469470 5094361424 4269867027 620781908 875079191 9370325669 8239385883 4004587911 200184688 2734078952
My supervisor had patiently scheduled my brief exchange with Kerli several days beforehand. Regrettably, my pet bobcat got laryngitis, so I had to skip the conversation. So, this web page is essentially the elaboration of a nightmare I had after a copious dinner based on raw broccoli and wild boar stew.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.