A conversation with Kim Coates
Kim Coates
Kim Coates born February 21st, 1958 (Pisces)
Among the future projects of Kim Coates there is a top-secret indie sword-and-sandal movie in which all the action takes place in a fallout shelter (pixabay photo)

Is there something you would like to do right now?
Totally! Take a shower to forget the stench of flop you exude.

Could you tell us something about the plot of your next movie?
Absolutely! The working title is "Frank, Cheryl and the zebra". There are a man and a woman, which live in Dallas, but they never met. Frank is an advertising specialist while Cheryl is a medium. When Frank's pet zebra Mariro contracts acne they meet at the vet and fall in love. Then they decide to rise hell to cure Mariro and save the world again.

Kim, what is your opinion about the controversial problem of global warming?
My well informed opinion is that global warming is a messy issue. Anyway, my fans will undoubtedly appreciate my intention to purchase a nuclear submarine for the possible emergencies.

Could you suggest a remedy for warts?
Jawohl! Here it is my sure quick fix for warts. Mix two parts of champagne, one part of energy drink and some balsamic vinegar in the skull of a cat, then apply this mixture on your feet and your arms.

Could you tell us what's your earliest memory?
I have a very indistinct and quite bizarre remembrance. A man is alone on a straight, long road in the middle of nowhere, cornfields in every direction. Without warning, a crop-spraying plane begins swooping down, flying almost at ground level and the passenger fires a machine-gun to the man. Since there is no place to hide, he runs in the endless cornfield.

Well, I believe that is a scene from the movie "North by Northwest".
Kapow! To be honest, yesterday night I dozed in front of the TV set.

Your zodiac sign is Pisces. Are you a typical Pisces?
Yep! I'm a little rude, quite tireless, tenacious and tolerant. My relatives say that I'm also a bit inconsistent but that I think it is normal in artist.

What do you eat between meals?
Fruit pies with guacamole, a bread roll, three pasta noodles, and a few drops of fruit drink.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Kim Coates' secret telephone number :
9185276225 6346842298 5587299111 343328182 8643145435 9013126859 6845787421 5294121875 6883444667 4483591593 4792212639 5700202279 8318373771 4469885905 7647564854 5374001747 3240399780 4971172764 4889014441 951910939
My little rendezvous with Kim Coates has been set up several months in advance. The resulting piece was stunning, like it was written by H.G. Wells after too much fernet. So, it was very disastrous that my cousin Donald (on purpose!) set my only copy on fire! After I regained mental sanity, I tried to recollect those magnificent words. To be aboveboard here: I'm not really certain this web page is an entirely genuine chronicle of what transpired during our talk, and now I'm beginning to ask myself if it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.