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A conversation with Kirsty MacColl
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Kirsty MacColl
Kirsty MacColl born October 10th, 1959 (Libra)
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Kirsty MacColl, partecipating under false pretence, has obtained an onorable 17th position at the Beard and Moustache Championship (source)

Kirsty, what do you think of global warming?
What do I think? I think that global warming is a serious problem. Anyway, my followers will surely appreciate my resolution to purchase only palaces at least 70 feet above the sea-level.

When you were a little girl, did you see yourself as a professional singer?
Really? I did not. My father and I decided that I would have become a critters exterminator. But, sometimes you've got to start from the bottom.

Can you support the hearsay about the purloined Sasquatch pictures?
Ohmigosh! I believe you are showing a mindless desire to go to a better place, if you read me. Well, I have a friend who has a friend that for $1000,... Whatever. You like surprises, don't ya?

If I may ask, do you have any particular phobia?
Yes, I do! I have acquired an irrational fear for butterflies, on account of a freak accident occurred to my aunt. I'm also terrified by roller coasters, but that is quite common.

Can you tell us what is the first award you ever won?
At the age of 9, I won the "Titanium Panther Prize" issued by the Mayor of Seattle for "phenomenal and redundant musical accomplishment".

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
Probably a jackal. A large, fat, placid jackal, gorged and dozy in a summer breeze.

What motivates you to sing?
The fact that, as Nero Wolfe said, "An actor can practice anywhere any time with anybody, and most of them do." For singers is almost the same.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
Probably Gollum.

With all due respect, you know that that's not a real person, right?
I need to call my agent.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Kirsty MacColl's private telephone number :
2265625539 2841408299 6913001979 728350494 8931025420 5241084360 9517927167 8245330510 9994116435 8964539634 2322801247 9282094625 7731977886 6961454760 2188520619 2086379325 7276824500 263854908 8617662492 8750340101
Singers are frantic people. It's difficult for them to fix an interview. So we decided to leave Kirsty MacColl completely alone and to obtain the interview above without her help. Thus, this web page is an an algorithmic transcription we obtained from a computer simulation of Kirsty.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.