A conversation with Laura Vandervoort
Laura Vandervoort
Laura Vandervoort born September 22nd, 1984 (Virgo)
Among Laura Vandervoort's future projects there is a super-secret expressionist romantic comedy in which all the action takes place in a submarine (source)

Should you give up acting, which kind of career would you like to pick up?
Probably that of geoduck farmer. I already have quite an experience in that field.

Nowaday the problem of urticaria in ferrets is reaching gigantic proportions. Are you doing something to mitigate the problem?
Jawohl! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night a month. The proceeds ($1,000 per night) will be donated to an organization for the cure of urticaria in ferrets.

I've heard you are writing an autobiography. Is it true?
Yes! It is unlucky that I have little time, if any, to put down the words. Last month I've read the inside flap of "The Little Prince", and I found it more or less acceptable. Hence, I've ordered my agent to pay a visit to the author - a certain Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - since I need a ghost writer so badly, but for the moment I've not received any news.

Do people yell your name and follow you everywhere you go?
But of course! I'm like a medicine, a legit one, for the crowd. I'm global: I brighten renowned heirs and unhappy rodent exterminators in the same manner. You know? There are at least 13 streets with my name in four different countries, not counting Zubrowka and Djibouti, which I did not know they were countries.

Do you do your own shopping?
I would love to, but I'm so time-poor while doing very influential things for the good of all of us (except the ones who are dead) to care about matters of no consequence. Actually, I hire a squad of Georgia Tech graduates to elaborate my grocery list and pass it along to a gang of pro buyers spread around the world. For the garnments, always a critical issue, I ever pay a team of surrogates, one for each body part.

Laura, what is the fuss about the current Oscar controversy?
To be frank, this is a minefield.

Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my character tougher, I periodically doze on a hammock made of nails.

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Sarah Connor.

With all due respect, you know that that's not a real person, don't you?
I think I'm gonna cry now.

Laura Vandervoort refused to share her home telephone number, but here is a list of random numbers you can dream about :
9804159357 473763288 5592386802 3196152042 213968895 7219787203 325892841 4986846367 7093889695 6853501165 6995781990 9801350142 999801092 8257134693 7843141913 7402821290 4727536946 6366725473 7946795329 2719909162
To be honest, my supervisor had set up my short exchange with Laura Vandervoort many weeks beforehand. Unfortunately, I realized I had more interesting things to do, like learning Tibetan or collecting pencil erasers. So, the transcript above is mainly the recollection of a dream that ensued after a heavy dinner based on liver sausages and cabbage stew.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.