Should you give up acting, which kind of career would you like to pick up?
Probably that of geoduck farmer. I already have quite an experience in that field.
Nowaday the problem of urticaria in ferrets is reaching gigantic proportions. Are you doing something to mitigate the problem?
Jawohl! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night a month. The proceeds ($1,000 per night) will be donated to an organization for the cure of urticaria in ferrets.
I've heard you are writing an autobiography. Is it true?
Yes! It is unlucky that I have little time, if any, to put down the words. Last month I've read the inside flap of "The Little Prince", and I found it more or less acceptable. Hence, I've ordered my agent to pay a visit to the author - a certain Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - since I need a ghost writer so badly, but for the moment I've not received any news.
Do people yell your name and follow you everywhere you go?
But of course! I'm like a medicine, a legit one, for the crowd. I'm global: I brighten renowned heirs and unhappy rodent exterminators in the same manner. You know? There are at least 13 streets with my name in four different countries, not counting Zubrowka and Djibouti, which I did not know they were countries.
Do you do your own shopping?
I would love to, but I'm so time-poor while doing very influential things for the good of all of us (except the ones who are dead) to care about matters of no consequence. Actually, I hire a squad of Georgia Tech graduates to elaborate my grocery list and pass it along to a gang of pro buyers spread around the world. For the garnments, always a critical issue, I ever pay a team of surrogates, one for each body part.
Laura, what is the fuss about the current Oscar controversy?
To be frank, this is a minefield.
Your line of work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my character tougher, I periodically doze on a hammock made of nails.
If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Sarah Connor.
With all due respect, you know that that's not a real person, don't you?
I think I'm gonna cry now.
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