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A conversation with Leonard Cohen
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Leonard Cohen
Leonard Cohen born September 21st, 1934 (Virgo)
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During a tormented séance, Leonard Cohen was temporarily transmogrified into a quite docile goat (pixabay photo)

We are here today with a special guest, Leonard Cohen, who just survived the mammoth task of his last album. Hi, Leonard, and welcome to Raymond And The Amazing Microphone.
I say it was about time you guys invited me. I saw Jake Gyllenhaal the other day and, honestly, I did not like it.

Apart from singing, is there something in which you excel?
You know, I can solve the Rubik's cube while I tap dance.

What would you like to do right now?
Take a stroll in a minefield.

Let's imagine for a moment there is somebody in a remote place of the world who'd never heard your music. How would you describe your songs to him?
It is difficult to imagine there is such an unfortunate dude! As my publicist says, my songs are like a cloying banana cake with a shocking inner core of bacon.

What happen if you play your song "Suzanne" backward?
Your hi-fi system may deflagrate.

Which brand of toilet paper do you use?
Since I have discovered natural products, I can't stand common brands anymore. My toilet paper is obtained from the fibers of Strobistapella inconspicua, an almost extinct bulb native of Venezuela.

Could you rebut the noise about your participation in the shady affair of mermaid DNA samples?
Augh! It seems to me you are showing an unfathomable desire to snuff it, if you read me. And, you know, I know a guy who knows a guy that for $3000,... Whatever. You like surprises, don't ya?

In a paper printed on Annals of Criminal Foundations, dr. William O. Bailey described your songs as "a perfect quintessence of present-day pragmatic mechanicism". Anything to add?
Well, it is evident that in his interesting essay published on International Transactions on Rural Illusionism, prof. Charles F. Smith totally refuted that implausible observation.

There is no possibility any of these is Leonard Cohen's private telephone number :
2667666418 3830978586 6559857643 3129642640 388000040 9099290543 3719019894 7524156960 7628401482 6578595609 3255029213 2856309960 3347678375 3822081660 532773974 8756487054 9488571258 5573506657 6866542407 971961380
My hurried rendezvous with Leonard Cohen has been patiently arranged days beforehand. The resulting article was stunning, like it was written by Anton Chekhov under the effects of prescription exotic beverages. Hence, it was highly deplorable, to put it mildly, that my armadillo destroyed my only copy! After I regained mental sanity, I struggled to extract from my crumbling memory those stunning words. I want to be clear, I'm not really sure this web page is an absolutely truthful run-down of what transpired during our exchange, and so I'm starting to ask myself if it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.