An interview with Liam Payne
Liam Payne
Liam Payne born August 29th, 1993 (Virgo)
Liam Payne has initiated a petition for the revival of the Mayan calendar (source)

Which is the most embarrassing DVD you personally bought?
Great Scott! Excluding "Twilight", I fear it is "Ultraviolet". That was really a hiccup in the career of Milla Jovovich!

Liam, you have been seen in a particular position with a celebrity whose name or gender I'm not allowed to publish. Do you wish to comment?
If you mean O.S., then it was a totally inoffensive thing. I deny any other such "situation", expecially one with U.O...

I may have a photo.
You know, the photo is probably just an accident...

An accident? I do not understand.
Well, accidents are known to happen. Like when you "accidentally" photoshop a picture. Or, for example, your car or your father may "by accident" take fire. Are we clear now?

I was joking, there is no picture at all...
Did you ever participated in a séance?

Surely! But just once. It was an extremely uncanny experience. Suddenly, the spirit of Julius Caesar manifested and established that I'm probably the reincarnation of a Mark Twain's aunt.

Do you have any scar?
Yup! I have a little scorpion shaped scar on my left knee, a relic of my problematic skirmish with a raving jackal.

What motivates you to sing?
Oxygen deficiency, because to sing is like to breath for me.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Liam Payne's home telephone number is listed here :
339069854 5977000860 4100732987 6317019084 633461429 4106198294 6185278643 519765435 7836932142 205686793 6334245184 742364914 6541409126 9411797424 6135571346 9087563391 3965315485 540541332 6340877706 4529813941
To be honest, my director had patiently set up my little conversation with Liam Payne weeks beforehand. Regrettably, I realized at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like breeding newts or walking my pet cow. So, the transcript above is mainly the recollection of a dream that ensued after a generous dinner of deep-fried eggplants and wild boar stew.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.