What would you like to do right now?
Insult somebody's else way of life.
I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my imminent book will soon be published in the book itself. What I can divulge now is that it will be my unofficial autobiography. It will be tattoed on legs and arms of 1,000 fans that will be freed in San Francisco.
Do you Google yourself often?
Say every other day or so. But lately Google asks "Did you mean Lily Allun", who apperently is a former naturopath from Atlanta. That's quite annoying, but not as much embarassing as finding that for Bing my name sounds like a shocking insult in Bulgarian.
Do you have any new tattoos?
Yes! I have a yellow beaver on my belly. It implements a radiotransmitter, so I can be salvaged if I get lost in Fresno jungle, but unluckily it works better if I'm somehow disrobed.
Your zodiac sign is Taurus. May I read you your horoscope?
Absolutely! But I'm a bit partial regarding zodiacal nonsense.
You will ram into a sloshed stranger from Las Vegas, a retired actuary named Robert with both ears on the same side of the head. He will talk about a map allegedly signed by the nefarious pirate Sir Henry Morgan, that places his stash in a closed mine in California. It's a lie!
Kapow! Extraordinary, what do you have -- a spycam on the future?
Could you tell us what's your earliest memory?
I'm the testimonial for a new mineral water called "My Earliest Memory", so I cannot speak about the subject.
I'm eager to try it.
Unfortunately, it will be sold only in Kyrgyzstan and Narnia.
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