A conversation with Lou Reed
Lou Reed
Lou Reed born March 2nd, 1942 (Pisces)
Few people know that the second time he was behind the wheel of his electric spider, Lou Reed drove over a sloshed bear, with no consequences for the animal (pixabay photo)

If I may ask, how do you invest the money you make in your career?
Well, I invested my whole stash in a super-clever scheme invented by a financial genius named Charles Panzi, a pro of offshore investments. I will give you his phone, but I could not talk to him in the last few weeks.

In your opinion, which is the most beautiful flag?
Surely the flag of Loompaland, probably because there is my face in the corner of it.

Your agent told me you are just back from a tour in Tibet. How was the accomodation?
To be frank, I spent 4 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before I saw daylight and realized it was not the Best Western hotel. The silver lining? I learnt to bend fire, just a little.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
I figure a gerbil. A large, fat, tranquil gerbil, well fed and sleepy in the summer shade.

Which is your next musical venture?
I'll soon release a vinyl-only recording of country covers of Ray Charles greatest hits, sung in Maori, Czech and Estonian. I worked on it for 3 years.

Where do you go when you die?
If you behaved, you go to Paris, if you have been insipid you go to Toronto.

I've heard you are writing a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The details on my imminent book will soon be published in another book. What I can say here is that it will be a guide to choosing rubber bands. It will be tattoed on arms and backs of 800 fans that will be released in Stamford.

What do you think of the issue of global warming?
I have the proofs that this purported global warming baloney is presumably a grotesque plot of Aerugo's operatives.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Lou Reed's private telephone number :
5839441847 5282740387 332675359 4500620861 8746942707 504840634 657581853 9546179979 7172688569 373932263 3560421577 9123380462 472061625 4513399281 7396230345 556025094 944045327 2865709000 6458317275 9972922417
My little meeting with Lou Reed has been set up several months in advance. The resulting article was awesome, like it was written by the spirit of Emily Dickinson after too much gin. It was very lamentable that my doctor by accident set my only copy on fire! After I regained my composure, I made an effort to recollect those stunning words. Actually, to be aboveboard, I'm not one hundred percent sure this web page contains an absolutely truly account of our conversation, and now I'm starting to doubt it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.