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A conversation with Lucy Liu
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Lucy Liu
Lucy Liu born December 2nd, 1968 (Sagittarius)
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Due to a freak accident occurred to her aunt, Lucy Liu has developed an irrational phobia for zombies and a rational one for tigers (pixabay photo)

Can you support the gossip about your involvement in the crisis of mermaid DNA samples?
Urgh! Somebody may think you are showing a mysterious desire to run down the curtain, if you understand me. I know a guy who knows a guy that for $2000,... Nevermind. You like surprises, don't ya?

Did you ever participated in a séance?
Yes! It was an unsettling experience. Suddenly, the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche manifested and established that I'm probably the reincarnation of Sigmund Freud's butcher.

Lucy, do you like dogs?
I guess not!

Why you do not like dogs, if I may ask?
Actually, they reek! And one dog bite my cousin in his naughty parts. That was one of the reasons I decided to become an artist, so I should probably reconsider my position on dogs.

I've heard you are writing a book on your life. Is it true?
Indeed! It is unfortunate that I have little time to write. Last winter I've seen the cover illustration of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", and I found it more or less passable. Hence, I've instructed my agent to contact the author - a certain Stieg Larsson - since I really need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not received any news.

You're so deep in "Kill Bill: Vol. 1". Were you given a lot of room to shape your character?
Oh, yes! Oh, I nailed it! I like to extemporize. It's like a second nature.

Do you know Joseph Y. Perry (a former database administrator, now a snowsport instructor) from Jersey City?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been briefly engaged to him. Then there was half a scandal about Joseph cheating on her with every woman aged 18-65, so their engagement came to an abrupt ending.

Your zodiac sign is Sagittarius. May I read you your horoscope?
Please proceed, but I don't believe in zodiacal lunacy.

You will meet a boozed up stranger from Milwaukee, a former pastrycook named Ryan with an apple peel in his left pocket. He will approach you with a map signed by the nefarious pirate Olivier "la Buse" Levasseur, that places his gold in a ruined friary in North Carolina. It's a lie!
Caramba! Remarkable, what do you have -- a time machine?

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Lucy Liu's secret telephone number is listed here :
7000153738 2072968092 4131867076 2559172063 3144647012 5915442099 678234436 8628320472 4169366121 4737395572 741255373 5865834866 6532436062 5862226902 8867092119 921825640 4916753294 9314178600 3328918166 729247198
I waited for many weeks for the privilege to have a short appointment with Lucy Liu. The resulting article was marvelous, like "Three Men in a Boat" rewritten by Mandrake. Thus, it was deplorable, to put it mildly, that my doctor (maybe on purpose!) ate my only copy! After I put the blame on karma, I tried to recall those magnificent words. Actually, to be clear here: I'm not so certain this web page contains a perfectly factual account of our exchange, and now I'm beginning to doubt it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.