Can you support the gossip about your involvement in the crisis of mermaid DNA samples?
Urgh! Somebody may think you are showing a mysterious desire to run down the curtain, if you understand me. I know a guy who knows a guy that for $2000,... Nevermind. You like surprises, don't ya?
Did you ever participated in a séance?
Yes! It was an unsettling experience. Suddenly, the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche manifested and established that I'm probably the reincarnation of Sigmund Freud's butcher.
Lucy, do you like dogs?
I guess not!
Why you do not like dogs, if I may ask?
Actually, they reek! And one dog bite my cousin in his naughty parts. That was one of the reasons I decided to become an artist, so I should probably reconsider my position on dogs.
I've heard you are writing a book on your life. Is it true?
Indeed! It is unfortunate that I have little time to write. Last winter I've seen the cover illustration of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", and I found it more or less passable. Hence, I've instructed my agent to contact the author - a certain Stieg Larsson - since I really need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not received any news.
You're so deep in "Kill Bill: Vol. 1". Were you given a lot of room to shape your character?
Oh, yes! Oh, I nailed it! I like to extemporize. It's like a second nature.
Do you know Joseph Y. Perry (a former database administrator, now a snowsport instructor) from Jersey City?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been briefly engaged to him. Then there was half a scandal about Joseph cheating on her with every woman aged 18-65, so their engagement came to an abrupt ending.
Your zodiac sign is Sagittarius. May I read you your horoscope?
Please proceed, but I don't believe in zodiacal lunacy.
You will meet a boozed up stranger from Milwaukee, a former pastrycook named Ryan with an apple peel in his left pocket. He will approach you with a map signed by the nefarious pirate Olivier "la Buse" Levasseur, that places his gold in a ruined friary in North Carolina. It's a lie!
Caramba! Remarkable, what do you have -- a time machine?
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