An interview with Ludacris
Ludacris born September 11th, 1977 (Virgo)
Andrew F. Carter, the new Ludacris' head of security, is always experimenting different ways to turn away stalkers and pestiferous followers (pixabay photo)

I'm here tonight with Ludacris, who just made his way through his last album. Hi, Ludacris, and welcome to Useless Celebrities.
It's a pleasure being here, your pleasure.

What is your opinion about the issue of global warming?
My informed opinion is that global warming is a serious problem. Anyway, my fans will applaud my decision to purchase mainly manors at least 70 feet above the sea-level.

Which is the coolest flag in the world?
I think it is that of San Sombrèro. It is brown and orange with a small yellow dog somewhere.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Actually I do! I have a black zebra on my forearm. It is bioluminescent, so I can be salvaged if I get lost in Reno jungle, but unfortunately it works better if I'm somehow disrobed.

Your zodiac sign is Virgo. Are you a typical Virgo?
I reckon not! I'm sometimes moody, energetic, tenacious and anxious. My relatives say that I'm also a little paradoxical but that I think it is usual in artists.

When you were a little boy, did you see singing as your profession?
Sadly no, and I still hope that, one day, they are going to recognize the need for Klingon interpreters at the United Nations.

Do you have any superpower?
I spit lava, since I was 9, expecially on Mondays.

As everybody knows, the problem of amebiasis in beavers is reaching huge dimensions. Is Ludacris doing anything in this respect?
Aye! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night a month. The profits ($800/night) will be donated to a foundation for the cure of amebiasis in beavers.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Ludacris' home telephone number :
8094644076 4231141524 5395499880 4619238005 9316242928 7711143085 8449834613 8726655818 7475733826 4695585122 9527922982 8446946051 2355567786 6481718707 9387276588 4469946216 9727313406 8259215236 9642727953 9888474641
I have a confession to make. My chief had patiently lined up my hurried exchange with Ludacris weeks beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet horse got botulism, so I had to skip the exchange. So, the transcript above is mainly based on what Ludacris would have probably said if I have met him, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of his fans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.