A conversation with M.I.A.
M.I.A. born July 18th, 1975 (Cancer)
The preferred hobby of M.I.A. is collecting dummies (pixabay photo)

Do you like to cook?
Not likely! But I like to invent salads. My cornerstone is a mix of pastrami and soybeans, which I presume can satisfy both vegs and normal people.

Intriguing! Could you share the recipe?
By all means! You take the pastrami and the soybeans and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some rye bread.

Rye bread?
Do not mind, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make the sandwiches, then you discard the bread and mix pastrami and soybeans with some soy sauce and there it is!

Where do you go when you die?
30 feet under, most of the times, but if you are cremated then your remains can lie in some otherwise useless place.

Do people scream your name and follow you everywhere you go?
You bet! The crowd loves me so much. I really make no distinction as to race, sex, or religion: I charm successful heirs and colorless second-rate strippers in the same fashion. Say, there are at least 12 avenues with my name in three different countries, not counting Tazbekistan and Andorra.

Can you rebut the gossip about the purloined Yeti pictures?
Pfft! You are showing a strange desire to sleep with the fishes, if you know what I mean. I have a friend who has a friend that for $3000,... Nevermind. You don't like spoilers, don't ya?

Mia, do you have something to say to your youngest fans?
Yep! Modern research has demonstrated that sniffing paint like an anteater may have sour consequences, like loss of partners or painful death. But dread no more! Buy "Mia's shield", now with Habrocantha apetala tincture. Just $39.99 for 80 capsules, only in the best Bulgarian corner stores (Note : Not actually a drug. It often may cause loss of nails or induce suicide. Cholesterol-free. One capsule provides 100% RDA of pine needles).

I heard that you will soon be busy with a charity concert. Care to tell us why'd you decide to undertake such a titanic effort?
I had to for a little clause in my last contract, which forced me to increase the number of charity events I attend.

And how long have you been feeling an urge to fight peritonitis?
Since I was a little girl, and my parents would argue about it.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being M.I.A.'s private telephone number :
657453024 2601369317 6214283031 5122790423 4905428599 4201041619 7890976627 9039328414 6469795803 635982705 5386457554 947871043 9394518094 2756067916 5652777729 2068272438 4289808815 6660608586 8913548502 9680828039
I lay in wait for several weeks before being able to have a little interview with M.I.A.. The resulting interview was great, like "The Great Gatsby" rewritten by Wonder Woman. Hence, it was highly unfavorable, to put it mildly, that my uncle Douglas by accident (I assume) devoured my only copy! After I regained mental sanity, I attempted to recollect those breathtaking words. To be clear, I'm not one hundred percent sure this web page is a completely factual chronicle of what transpired during our conversation, and now I'm starting to ask myself if it actually took place...
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Daveigh Chase Ricardo Montaner Tracy Chapman Roger Whittaker Woody Harrelson Vanessa Carlton Denise Richards Lil Wayne PJ Harvey Anna Gunn Jamie Lee Curtis Harrison Ford Gwen Stefani Alan Cumming Ralph Fiennes Jessica Alba Alexis Bledel Helena Bonham Carter Dolph Lundgren
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.