We are here tonight with a special guest, Mahershala Ali, who just survived the mammoth task of his last movie. Hi, Mahershala, and welcome to Celebrity Wondercouch.
I say it was about time you people invited me. I saw Sean Paul the other night and, let me tell you, I did not like it.
Do you have any birthmark?
I have a little penguin shaped birthmark on my right ankle. Probably my father did accidentally ingest a penguin while my mother was expecting me.
Do you know any good hangover cures?
All right! In case of need mix three parts of whiskey, one part of instant coffee and some tomato sauce. Apply the resulting concoction on your back and your chin.
Do you know Matthew A. Torres (a former ship's officer, now a fitter and turner) from Greensboro?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been engaged to him for 2 months. Then there was a rumor about the funny suicide of a former lover, so their engagement came to a quick end.
What do you think about the international situation?
I think it is currently very grim, since on this bitter Earth there are nations where it is difficult to find even a tolerable corn dog.
You are always fit as a fiddle. How do you do that?
I have invented the Blue Diet: during the month of August I eat nothing but blue foods, like blueberries, blue Smarties, blue potatoes and my special Smurf meat pie.
Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To fortify my ego, I often take a siesta on a cot made of rough sandpaper and broken glass.
Some witnesses have seen you in a compromising position with a superstar whose name or gender I'm not authorized to make public. Do you care to comment?
Do you mean G.H.? It's a completely inoffensive thing. I deny any other "situation", expecially one with P.I...
I may have a photo.
You know, I think the photo is just an impression...
An impression? I do not understand.
Yes, just an impression. Like when you have the impression just everything is totally fine in your life and then for no apparent reason your partner and your cat explode. Capishe?
Now that I look it under a better light, the picture is indistinct...
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