Do you like to cook?
Don't be foolish! But I like to design salads. My masterpiece is a mix of bacon and soybeans, which I assume can be OK for both vegetarians and normal people.
Could you share the recipe with us?
Yep! You take the bacon and the soybeans and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some rye bread.
Do not mind, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. After you made those sandwiches, you discard the bread and mix bacon and soybeans with some teriyaki sauce and there it is!
Do you do your own shopping?
Forget it! Usually, I have a squad of shopping experts to elaborate my grocery list and e-mail it to a bunch of pro buyers scattered around the world. For the garnments, I ever pay a crew of surrogates, one for each body part.
If I may ask, how do you invest the money you make?
I'm not supposed to tell anybody, but I invested my stash in a money-making scheme devised by a financial genius named Charles Penzi, an expert of hedge futures trading (whatever it means). I'll tell you his phone, but I could not talk to him in the last weeks.
When your are not on tour, which is your favored diversion?
I think that collecting and trading dummies is a noble activity.
What is the first award you ever won?
At the age of 6, I won the "Tin Monkey Trophy" assigned by the Mayor of Denver for "exceptional but redundant musical accomplishment".
If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Jack Sparrow.
You know that that's not a real person, right?
I think I'm gonna cry now.
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