A conversation with Marianne Faithfull
Marianne Faithfull
Marianne Faithfull born December 29th, 1946 (Capricorn)
The next release from Marianne Faithfull will be a vinyl-only album of heavy metal covers of Joe Cocker greatest hits, sung in Bosnian, Finnish and Icelandic (pixabay photo)

Do you like to cook?
Don't be foolish! But I like to design salads. My masterpiece is a mix of bacon and soybeans, which I assume can be OK for both vegetarians and normal people.

Could you share the recipe with us?
Yep! You take the bacon and the soybeans and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some rye bread.

Rye bread?
Do not mind, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. After you made those sandwiches, you discard the bread and mix bacon and soybeans with some teriyaki sauce and there it is!

Do you do your own shopping?
Forget it! Usually, I have a squad of shopping experts to elaborate my grocery list and e-mail it to a bunch of pro buyers scattered around the world. For the garnments, I ever pay a crew of surrogates, one for each body part.

If I may ask, how do you invest the money you make?
I'm not supposed to tell anybody, but I invested my stash in a money-making scheme devised by a financial genius named Charles Penzi, an expert of hedge futures trading (whatever it means). I'll tell you his phone, but I could not talk to him in the last weeks.

When your are not on tour, which is your favored diversion?
I think that collecting and trading dummies is a noble activity.

What is the first award you ever won?
At the age of 6, I won the "Tin Monkey Trophy" assigned by the Mayor of Denver for "exceptional but redundant musical accomplishment".

If you could choose someone to reincarnate in, who would it be?
I'd have to say Jack Sparrow.

You know that that's not a real person, right?
I think I'm gonna cry now.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Marianne Faithfull's secret telephone number :
6051993935 789068925 4523911942 9812523093 380205633 7158096203 529905654 2407268499 6013800035 5308514241 8430721268 698780747 4913182812 8037042194 4886876928 461817634 6256041447 4814607197 8236500203 9070308447
To be honest, my chief had lined up my brief appointment with Marianne Faithfull many weeks beforehand. Unfortunately, I realized at the last moment that I had better things to do, like growing weeds or visiting Canada. So, this web page is essentially the elaboration of a dream that ensued after a copious dinner of deep-fried eggplants and liver pâté.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.