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A talk with Matt Ryan
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Matt Ryan
Matt Ryan born May 17th, 1985 (Taurus)
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Less known fact: during his driving exam, Matt Ryan inadvertently knocked down a drunk hippo, with little consequences for the animal (pixabay photo)

Do you like to cook?
To be honest, I believe that preparing food is quite a waste of energy. After all, there are friends and bars more than willing to provide my daily intake of fats and vitamines. In the few occasions I have to cook for my relatives, I like to design salads. My cornerstone is a mix of beef jerk and soybeans, which I think can be suited for both vegetarians and normal people.

Would you like to share the recipe with us?
By all means! You take the beef jerk and the soybeans and you make a bunch of sandwiches using some French rolls.

French rolls?
It does not matter, I derived the recipe from one for a sandwich. So you make the sandwiches, then you discard the bread and mix beef jerk and soybeans with some soy sauce and voilĂ , there it is!

If there was another movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
Without doubt Brad Pitt, since we were in the same hockey team when we were in high scool.

Do you know Matthew L. Miller (a former pressure welder, now a veterinarian) from Santa Clarita?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been married to him for 5 weeks. Then there was a public embarrassment about some warped photographs sent by phone to the wrong people, so their marriage came to a sudden end.

Do people yell your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Yes! I dig people's mind. I really make no distinction: I'm known to enchant eminent neurosurgeons and commonplace crime scene cleaners in the same manner. Say, there are at least 15 plazas with my statue in two different countries, not counting Hyrule and Tuvalu.

I've heard you are writing an autobiography. Is it true?
Okey-doke! It is regrettable that I have so little time, if any, to write. Recently I've seen the cover illustration of "The Tell-Tale Heart", and I found it quite palatable. Thus, I told my agent to pay a visit to the author - a certain Edgar Allan Poe - since I truly need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not heard any answer.

If you could choose an animal to reincarnate in, which one would it be?
A zebra.

Matt Ryan refused to divulge his private telephone number, but here are a few random numbers you can dream about :
6960019848 737982815 4864859419 9484602555 3543521003 2114867055 9491679285 6676814155 7965259911 8353178741 9159028318 2074142425 4259406149 6335433574 2279288446 8609821947 2737798799 7809760381 2110198438 4420445663
My chief had arranged my hurried rendezvous with Matt Ryan many days beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet wombat got pneumonia, so I had to skip the talk. So, the transcript above is mainly the recollection of a dream that ensued after a generous dinner based on cabbage stew and raw broccoli.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.