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A talk with Matthew Lillard
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Matthew Lillard
Matthew Lillard born January 24th, 1970 (Aquarius)
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Matthew Lillard's experiment to launch his cologne for woman redolent of eggplants essence has been an inescapable fail (pixabay photo)

Matthew, you seem to be always so joyful and vivacios. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to admit it, but I do. I do believe that every person has two sides. For example, when I bump into another actor, my vision blurs and disgust makes my bones tingle. And suddenly, I feel a compulsion to seal those leering eyes for good. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to hear about it.

Matthew, which is your secret for perpetual youth?
Only few know it is an ablution with lukewarm unicorn blood once a month.

What do you have in your pockets?
A tricky question. Since this interview is a figment of your lascivious neurons, I'm totally au naturel, so no pockets at all.

When you were a little boy, did you see yourself as a professional actor?
Sadly no, and I still hope that, one day, I will get a real job.

Could you authenticate the gossip about your involvement in the incident of Kraken DNA samples?
Thou, saucy weather-bitten whey-face! How do you dare?

Matthew, do you have any vice?
Oversleeping is an issue so my team of technicians have devised an alarm clock that has hours of 45 minutes. Probably you are going to judge me for that. Luckily another vice of mine is I don't give a monkey's.

Can you tell me the square root of 2739897472?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
Surely a coyote. A large, fat, quiet coyote, well fed and somnolent in the shade of a large tree.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Matthew Lillard's home telephone number is listed here :
814222236 7847506910 453789580 752903742 6553001685 5843137918 4010949050 4533613199 3989794694 5655697056 8677482963 2275891568 9113953480 2385737499 8253529564 5325035969 8242123107 461888017 5674364928 4311166811
I patiently scheduled a talk with Matthew Lillard several weeks in advance. The resulting interview was marvelous, like "On the Road" rewritten by Silver Surfer. Hence, it was unfortunate, to put it mildly, that my uncle Ronald ate my only copy! After I dissimulated devastating emotions, I made an attempt to remember those amazing words. So, to be aboveboard, I'm not so confident this web page contains an entirely accurate report of our conversation, and I'm starting to ask myself if it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.