A conversation with Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey born November 4th, 1969 (Scorpio)
In his secluded lab Matthew McConaughey is boldly looking for a cure for otitis in wombats (pixabay photo)

I'm here today with a special guest, Matthew McConaughey, who just made his way through his last movie. Hi, Matthew, and welcome to Celebrities Are Better Than You.
It's a pleasure being here, especially because your building is next to a vegan kiosk I dig a lot.

If you could choose an animal to reincarnate in, which one would it be?
An ocelot.

Which super power do you have?
This is a scoop! I can use two voices at once (one not mine), since I was 3, except if the sun shines. This could help quite a lot at parties.

In a letter printed on Texan Transactions on Modern Linguistics, prof. Ryan Phillips observed that your movies are "a perfect quintessence of modern conceptual relativism". Anything to add?
It is clear that in his last essay appeared on Annals of Pragmatic Perspectives, dr. Jerry V. Lewis utterly refuted that eccentric point of view.

Which is your favorite book?
I'm emotionally attached to "The Road" by Paul McCartney.

You mean, by Cormac McCarthy?
I think my cover had a typo, anyway I've heard it both ways.

Matthew, what’s your worst habit?
I snore like a doped coyote.

What do you think about the international situation?
Good golly! It's hard to figure it when you live in a pink cloud pampered by adoring fans, but there are places where it is difficult to find even a so-so cheeseburger.

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Matthew McConaughey's private telephone number :
9909339693 5843077135 9363987454 9625544562 3157901100 3802788378 5984299517 492812689 6965553436 9352269453 3526962768 7634766536 6013686153 9522729585 8097679007 2773098735 2633340268 7220839756 9543338951 4920666671
My director had patiently arranged my interview with Matthew McConaughey several months beforehand. Unluckily, my pet gazelle got anosmia, so I had to skip the talk. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Matthew McConaughey would have probably said if I have met him, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
Other interviews worth checking:
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.