An interview with Max von Sydow
Max von Sydow
Max von Sydow born April 10th, 1929 (Aries)
In his mansion in California, right across that owned by Coolio, Max von Sydow is producing his own red wine, whose name, by an unfortunate accident, sounds just like a shocking blasphemy in Scottish (pixabay photo)

I'm here tonight with a special guest, Max von Sydow, who just made his way through his last movie. Hi, Max, and welcome to And My Secret Is - HEY, Look, A Celebrity!.
I say it was about time you people invited me. I saw Sting the other night and, honestly, I did not like it.

What is your opinion about the current USA president?
I guaranteed my aunt I would not talk dirty openly anymore, so I'd pretend I did not understand your question.

What is the most uncanny nightmare you’ve ever had?
I dreamed being rebuked by a Francis Crick impersonator, while I kept yelling "I did not paint my neighbor's lion".

Do people scream your name and follow you everywhere you go?
Absolutely! I dig people's mind. My strength is that I'm all-embracing: I cheer wealthy astronauts and colorless roadkills collectors in the same fashion. Say, there are at least 15 parks with my statue in two different countries, not counting Wakanda and Benin.

What do you think about the international situation?
I think it is presently quite brutal, since on our battered world there are nations where it is impossible to find even a just passable Long Island iced tea.

You appear to be always so full of life and jovial. Do you also have a dark side?
It's difficult to confess it, but I do. I think that each and every one has a dark side. At times, when I bump into a colleague actor, my teeth rattle with fury and hatred makes my legs quiver. And all of a sudden, I feel the need to wipe out that moron from the earth and jump on his bleak casket. That is my amiable side... I let you figure out how dark my dark side is.

Can you share with us a memory of your role in "Minority Report"?
Absolutely! The set was full of lizards. They were coming outta the goddamn walls!.

If I may ask, do you have any peculiar phobia?
Yes, actually I do! I have acquired an irrational fear for cookies, owing to a bizzarre accident happened to my uncle. I'm also terrified by roller coasters, but that is quite common.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Max von Sydow's private telephone number :
8496896685 5004870836 3084156039 2005875783 689567952 7774058546 6395637338 6295363543 7005117792 9140211108 8087471001 676891256 2902301610 7046011671 6549479451 5817481259 4966675857 7258254183 2569601492 6378680182
To be frank, my director had patiently set up my little conversation with Max von Sydow days beforehand. Unfortunately, I decided at the last moment that I had more interesting things to do, like learning Bulgarian or growing mosses. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Max von Sydow would have probably answered if I have met him, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of his fans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.