A conversation with Meghan Markle
Meghan Markle
Meghan Markle born August 4th, 1981 (Leo)
Meghan Markle is presently writing her unauthorized autobiography, a monumental work soon to be released in daily instalments. (pixabay photo)

What do you think about the international situation?
Golly! I think it is unfortunately quite bleak, since there are nations where it is hopeless to find even an almost adequate cheeseburger.

Could you suggest a remedy for back pain?
Definitely! Here it is my fantastic relief for back pain. Mix one part of beer, two parts of coffee and some margarine in a large bowl, then drink the resulting concoction every 15 minutes for at least 3 hours.

Apart from acting, is there one thing in which you beat everybody else?
I can balance a cane on my chin.

You appear to be always so chirpy and joyful. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I do believe that everybody has two sides. At times, when I bump into a colleague actress, irritation darkens my heart and my teeth rattle with fury. And all of a sudden, I sense a compulsion to expunge that dunce from the earth and whirl on her icy grave. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to know about it.

Meghan, what is your opinion about the issue of global warming?
I've explained my opinion in an essay accepted for publication on Russian Annals of Rural Chemistry.

Can you share with us a memory of your role in "Horrible Bosses"?
I think so! To cite a classic, the set "was a place of ruin and despair, ruled by an evil bear who smelled of strawberries!".

Do you have a favorite flag?
I always liked Hyrule flag. If I'm not mistaken, it is black and gray with a tiny red cow in the middle. Hyrule is a beautiful but unlucky country. They are so derelict that robbery is legal from 4 to 5 AM.

Who are your heroes?
Theodore Roosevelt, Bart Simpson, and myself.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Meghan Markle's secret telephone number :
6415989487 812467431 3439652843 331583529 4841948468 315322565 357762847 8530787080 260761458 3813105874 8565966181 8729603268 9081695657 6197329000 6902962445 967807849 325058787 7972812074 4331100642 2721968180
I set up a little exchange with Meghan Markle many weeks in advance. The resulting piece was mind-boggling, like it was written by the ghost of Isaac Asimov under the influence of too much cider. So, it was highly disastrous that my mother in law (probably on purpose!) ate my only copy! After I slept over it, I struggled to summon up those amazing words. I want to be frank here: I'm not so certain this web page contains a perfectly accurate account of our rendezvous, and thus I'm starting to ask myself if it actually took place...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.