An interview with Melissa McCarthy
Melissa McCarthy
Melissa McCarthy born August 26th, 1970 (Virgo)
An acclaimed clinic in Kentucky is presently looking for Melissa McCarthy's fans for a study on sleep disorders (source)

Do you have a favorite book?
I really love "Crime and Punishment" by Frodo Dostosky.

You mean, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky?
I'm not used to be rebuked by low-class interviewers, and anyway I think we can agree to disagree.

What’s your worst habit?
Well, if I'm chomping chewing gum and all of a sudden I need to make a speech I'm not very discriminating about where I dump the debris: it may be a spitton but also a half-full bottle of vodka.

Melissa, you appear to be always so chirpy and cheerful. Do you also have a dark side?
I do. I think that each one has two sides. At times, when I see a so-called artist, my vision blurs and hatred makes my legs quiver. And all of a sudden, I fight the urge to kill her jeering smug look. And then there is my dark side... You do not want to hear about it.

Could you improvise a song for us.
Hell yeah! Here it is

The koala of remorse
The gloomy koala of remorse
rushes on the stormy meadows of wreck
while I look in the eye my planet lonelyness.
If only it had been the pig of remorse
we could have bacon at least.

In a paper printed on European Annals of Modern Psychology, dr. Ryan L. Wood described your roles as "a perfect prototype of contemporary symbolic ethnocentrism". Which is your reaction?
Well, I think that in his recent letter published on Russian Annals of Academic Psychoanalysis, prof. Donald Turner completely invalidated that illogical thesis.

Could you tell us something about your future project?
I'm on the set of the remake of "Jaws: The Revenge", a little classic whose sense has not been fully perceived.

If you’re at karaoke, what’s your song of choice?
My favorite karaoke song is "It's My Life" by Jon Bon Jovi.

Almost surely none of the following numbers are Melissa McCarthy's secret telephone number :
3980095914 579301716 5133199228 9997339416 4462820851 7428237647 657045327 5355996824 6774756966 5637151536 908076484 7933504624 2404708944 5200028492 9779856433 5974387056 5921867393 9188738069 6360215215 926209517
I patiently sat on my bottom for many years for an occasion to have a hurried appointment with Melissa McCarthy. The resulting article was mind-blowing, like "Jane Eyre" rewritten by the Incredible Hulk. Hence, it was unfavorable, to put it mildly, that my neighbor set my only copy on fire! After I put the blame on karma, I tried to recall those amazing words. To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent certain this web page is a perfectly truthful account of our exchange, and thus I'm beginning to be uncertain it ever was real...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.