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A talk with Melissa Rauch
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Melissa Rauch
Melissa Rauch born June 23rd, 1980 (Cancer)
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Melissa Rauch spent 2 weeks in a Tibetan monastery before she saw daylight and realized it was not the Hilton hotel. However, she learnt the basis of bilocation (pixabay photo)

Is there something you would like to do right now?
Well, eat something spicy.

Could you authenticate the hearsay about your involvement in the flimsy business of mermaid photos?
Could I? You bet your boots! Do I want? Gosh no!

Melissa, have you made plans for the New Year?
Actually, there is a complicate situation regarding the inheritance of my once removed late cousin, and so to get to dough, next year I will be known as "Melissa Reuch".

Do you know Angela L. Campbell (a former faculty head, now a fire fighter) from Santa Clara?
No, I don't, but my cousin has been married to her for 5 weeks. Then there was half a scandal about the odd suicide of a former lover, so their marriage came to a hasty end.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yes! I have a white eagle on my knee. It contains a tracker, so I can be rescued if I get lost in Fresno labyrinth, but unfortunately it works only if I'm a little disrobed.

Melissa, should you give up acting, which career would you pick up?
Almost surely that of beekeeper, since I already have quite an experience in that field.

I've heard you are writing an autobiography. Is it true?
Okey-doke! It is lamentable that I have so little time, if any, to write. Last month I've read the recap of the condensed version of "Catch-22", and I found it quite palatable. Thus, I've instructed my agent to pay a visit to the author - a certain Joseph Heller - because I need a ghost writer so badly, but for the time being I've not heard any answer.

How popular are you, on a scale of one to ten?
I have no clue. Probably, I'm a two in Austin, but a seven in Mongolia.

I will not deceive you by falsely stating that Melissa Rauch's private telephone number is listed here :
4608759388 535534309 3038268570 5862480522 517102981 5624606288 5999769472 5734757860 4861355798 6986591199 529976503 8888096385 2954921582 3750015964 4297032399 3275340252 748180756 935824024 3303672059 6142181289
I have a confession to make. My supervisor had patiently lined up my rendezvous with Melissa Rauch many days beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet prairie dog got beriberi, so I had to skip the rendezvous. So, the transcript above is essentially based on what Melissa Rauch would have probably said if I have met her, as suggested by a statistics involving a couple of random people.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.