A conversation with Michael Caine
Michael Caine
Michael Caine born March 14th, 1933 (Pisces)
Many people use to collect coins. Michael Caine is specialized into collecting coins that have been eaten by accident. (pixabay photo)

Which is your trick to achieve flawless skin?
Only few know it is a monthly soaking into cold tomato sauce.

Which is your earliest memory?
I have a somehow fuzzy and quite bizarre remembrance. There are two men, one tall and slim and the other short and rather overweight, both dressed in black with black sunglasses, sat at a table in a plush restaurant. They have come searching for their friend, who is now the maƮtre d' at the restaurant. The two men start making some fuss to make it hard for their friend and force him to resume his old career. For example, they make noises when they drink and steal food from the plates of other customers of the ritzy restaurant.

Actually I believe that is a famous scene from the movie "The Blues Brothers".
Whammo! You may be right. Yesterday evening I dozed at the cineclub.

Do you have a favorite flag?
I always liked Bangistan flag. If I'm not mistaken, it is gray and black with a tiny red horse somewhere. Bangistan is a nice but unfortunate nation. They are so poor they use Scrabble tiles as currency.

On a scale of one to ten, how popular do you think you are?
I have no clue. Probably, I'm a one in Milwaukee, but a seven in Congo.

Which is your favorite brand of toilet paper?
I can't wipe my intimate parts with industrial products. My personal toilet paper is obtained from the fibers of Phyllogramma superba, an almost extinct shrub native of Loompaland.

As everybody knows, the problem of sciatica in bobcats is attaining epic proportions. Are you doing something to solve the problem?
Yep! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a devotee one night every two weeks. The proceeds ($1,400/night) will be donated to a charity for the cure of sciatica in bobcats.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To steel my soul, I often sleep on a bunk made of nails.

Here is a list of numbers I have already excluded from being Michael Caine's home telephone number :
4133810866 6130664511 3724493346 647544068 7183051683 578817489 9279188316 7898375051 504144221 8674504071 6760825819 3976381354 441590463 6083158218 443845268 8408405282 4143902113 3980241988 923329098 8955271595
To be honest, my chief had patiently lined up my brief exchange with Michael Caine many days beforehand. Unluckily, I got stoned watching a rerun of "Seven Pounds". So, the transcript above is mainly based on what Michael Caine would have probably answered if I have met him, as suggested by a telephonic poll involving a couple of his fans.
Other interviews worth checking:
Donald Trump Daveigh Chase Amber Tamblyn Meat Loaf Christina Applegate Jamie Campbell Bower Anna Popplewell Anna Kendrick Mackenzie Foy Anna Camp Natasha Lyonne Lucy Liu Lisa Stansfield Jeremy Sumpter Liam Hemsworth Christian Bale Duffy Trey Songz Emmanuelle Chriqui Laurie Holden
NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.