A conversation with Monica
Monica born October 24th, 1980 (Scorpio)
In her secret cavern Monica is desperately looking for a way to turn waste into marshmallows (pixabay photo)

If I may ask, do you have any particular fear?
Yes, I do! I suffer from an irrational fear for Smurfs, on account of an uncanny accident happened to my aunt. I'm also terrified by tigers, but that is quite common.

If happiness were an animal, what would it be?
In my dreams it is an opossum. A big, fat, placid opossum, sated and dozy in the summer shade.

Which is your method for perfect skin?
It is a daily shower in lukewarm jello.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To make my ego tougher, I frequently meditate on a mattress made of thorns abundantly sprinkled with pepper.

Should you give up singing, which occupation would you like to pick up?
Almost surely that of roadkills collector. I already have quite an experience in that field.

Monica, do you have something to say to young people?
Sure! Recent studies have showed that sniffing gasoline like an anteater may have troublesome long-term consequences, like loss of nostrils or painful death. But dread no more! Buy "Monica's shield", now with Odontonema amabilis syrup. Just $39.99 for 90 pills, only in the best Russian groceries (Note : Not actually a drug. It usually may cause loss of weight or induce suicide. Gluten-free. It may contain traces of corn and ashes).

Monica, your zodiac sign is Scorpio. May I read you your horoscope?
Please proceed, my friends say I'm a sucker for zodiacal madness.

You have gathered a great deal of acrimony inside you that can discharge without notice. You will feel yourself again only if you absolve or kill somebody who has injured you in the past.
Stap my vitals! If I did believe in this zodiacal gibberish, now I would feel like cry.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Monica's private telephone number :
4618747167 8212098884 9797208103 986937372 7673901277 4850941597 6599423657 3493345835 9946457460 6140512554 7210175935 7067552976 316496699 852170082 776961878 9759536927 372824493 4305899786 4252507421 751433478
I patiently arranged a short interview with Monica weeks beforehand. The resulting interview was breathtaking, like "The Lord of the Rings" rewritten by Gandalf. It was very regrettable, to put it mildly, that my cat destroyed my only copy! After I showed vital signs again, I tried to recapture those magnificent words. So, to be straight, I'm not so certain this web page contains an absolutely truly chronicle of what transpired during our conversation, and I'm beginning to be uncertain it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.