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A talk with Natalie Dormer
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Natalie Dormer
Natalie Dormer born February 11th, 1982 (Aquarius)
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Natalie Dormer in an ingenious disguise meant to leave behind importune devotees (pixabay photo)

Do you ever Google yourself?
Say every day or so. But lately Google says "Including results for Natalie Durmer", who happens to be a travel agency manager from Tucson. That's quite distressing, but not as much worrisome as learning that for Yahoo my name is similar to a horrible insult in Polish.

I've heard you are writing an autobiography. Is it true?
Indeed! It is unfavorable that I have little time to put down the words, as we authors like to say. Last week I've read the abridged recap of "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz", and I found it more or less acceptable. On that account, I've instructed my agent to pay a visit to the author - a certain Frank Baum - since I truly need a ghost writer, but for the time being I've not received any news.

Do you know Sandra James (a former fashion designer, now a quantity surveyor) from Clearwater?
No, I don't, but my uncle has been briefly engaged to her. Then there was half a scandal about some licentious photographs sent by phone to the wrong people, so their engagement came to a hasty ending.

Do you have any new tattoos?
Yep! I have a gray hamster on my belly. It is radioactive, so I can be salvaged if I am kidnapped, but unluckily it works only if I'm slightly au naturel.

Could you tell us something about your future project?
Oh yeah! I'm in the middle of filming the remake of "Crazy On The Outside", a timeless gem whose relevance has not been perceived.

Natalie, do you like gnus?
Emphatically no!

Why you do not like gnus?
First of all, they reek! And one gnu bite my grandpa's naughty bits. That was one of the motives I decided to become an artist, so I should rethink my relation with gnus.

Your zodiac sign is Aquarius. Are you a typical Aquarius?
Nah! I'm very cheerful, quite full of life, yielding and calm. My friends say that I'm also a little inconsistent but that I think it is usual in artist.

After extensive reserch I concluded the following list doesn't contain Natalie Dormer's secret telephone number :
246654268 5632354298 4892311874 4397741619 9102959779 9718165305 8756749783 2109650654 8267611852 4181537931 6000145049 609039008 362785012 370158946 2149417426 922698301 636980404 725418415 727301416 9790576022
I patiently waited forever for the privilege to have a brief exchange with Natalie Dormer. The resulting piece was marvelous, like it was written by Astrid Lindgren at her peak. So, it was awfully untoward, to put it mildly, that my armadillo set my only copy on fire! After I buried the body (so to speak), I struggled to extract from my crumbling neurons those awesome words. I want to be straight, I'm not so confident this web page contains an entirely accurate account of our talk, and thus I'm starting to wonder if it actually happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.