An interview with Nelly Furtado
Nelly Furtado
Nelly Furtado born December 2nd, 1978 (Sagittarius)
Nelly Furtado in an astute camouflage meant to shake off maddening supporters (pixabay photo)

If there was a movie produced about your life, who do you think should play you, and why?
It should be Taylor Momsen, because we feel the same about canaries.

Imagine that there is somebody who'd never experienced your music. How would you describe your music to him?
Well, I've heard there are one or two such guys in the Gobi desert or in the Brazilian rainforest. I would say that my songs are like a delicious honey cake with an amazing filling of gasoline.

Do you know any good migraine cure?
Yes, in case of migraine, mix two parts of whiskey, one part of lemonade and some sesame oil. Guzzle this elixir every 15 minutes for 2 hours.

Apart from singing, is there something in which you beat everybody else?
You know, I can recite "Hope is the Thing with Feathers" by Emily Dickinson in 4 different languages including Polish.

Your work is often stressful. How do you face it?
To strengthen my will, I frequently doze on a mattress made of rough sandpaper and thorns copiously sprinkled with chili.

What do you have in your pockets?
I got a bunch of banknotes in my pockets. You may stare at them in awe, you can ever smell them, but they are mine, all mine. My preciouss roll of notes...

Nelly, which is your favorite fruit?
It is called "Nelly's gem". In the middle of one of my peregrinations in Andean plateau, I discovered an inconspicuous unknown tree, now named Galispella bulbifera, which every 12 years blooms and gives fruits whose taste reminds of kiwis and balsamic vinegar. It seems bizarre, but it may become a compulsive habit.

If you could choose an animal to reincarnate in, which one would it be?
I'd have to say a gerbil.

Nelly Furtado refused to divulge her secret telephone number, but here are a few random numbers you can dream about :
3738381765 3818868938 783166680 7327801547 8670461560 447495917 5285435306 550896747 6483881787 858530468 665717329 9077137698 682592919 3147519687 746682109 2584788244 5891202574 548426481 8331413542 9164851491
My brief interview with Nelly Furtado has been lined up many months in advance. The resulting piece was impressive, like "Siddhartha" rewritten by Doctor Who. Thus, it was very regrettable, to put it mildly, that my mother in law by accident (I hope!) set my only copy on fire! After I accepted reality, I tried to recapture those staggering words. I want to be clear, I'm not so confident this web page contains a perfectly genuine report of what transpired during our interview, and so I'm starting to question whether it ever happened...
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.