A conversation with Nick Offerman
Nick Offerman
Nick Offerman born June 26th, 1970 (Cancer)
In a passing state of confusion, Nick Offerman has undersigned a petition against whales (pixabay photo)

Are you allergic to anything?
Yes, I'm allergic to imbeciles, baboons, and glycerol.

Do you know any good back pain cure?
Sure, here it is my guaranteed quick fix for back pain. Mix one part of rum, two parts of mineral water and some sesame oil in a bowl, then gargle with the resulting brew every 25 minutes for at least 3 hours.

What motivates you to act?
I like the sound of my voice.

As everybody knows, the problem of mononucleosis in ferrets is attaining epic dimensions. Are you doing something to mitigate the problem?
Yeah! I will platonically sleep in a bunk bed with a supporter one night every two weeks. The profits ($800/night) will go to a charity for the cure of mononucleosis in ferrets.

I've heard you are about to publish a book. Would you like to share with us a few details?
The actual details on my imminent book will soon be published in the book itself. What I can divulge now is that it will be a guide to choosing dental floss, a long awaited work soon to be released in montly instalments.

What have you got in your pocket?
A tricky question. Since this talk is a creation of your mischievous imagination, I'm probably completely in the nude, so no pockets at all.

Have you made plans for the New Year?
My plan is to obtain soon a special license for flying my dirigible.

What’s the best sound in the world?
Surely it is the placid clink of two diamonds touching each other. However, my agent prefers you write instead something more mainstream, like "the infectious laugh of a delighted kid " or "the comforting purr of a pleased kitten".

And now a bunch of numbers which are not Nick Offerman's secret telephone number :
3292743396 5250297061 5687784672 331856020 9250050715 7532260339 2054340318 920020614 7822568459 8662697697 532493228 5988615199 2636445747 9143313084 9567527081 2980608176 7711069950 5782991803 218025143 9313521279
To be sincere, my supervisor had patiently scheduled my brief exchange with Nick Offerman many days beforehand. Unfortunately, my pet kangaroo got calculi, so I had to skip the rendezvous. So, this web page is mainly the recollection of a dream that followed after a large dinner based on raw onions and beans.
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NOTE: the above interview may not reflect reality.